Sensitive People

I notice my last post was about sensitive people, and I mentioned that I'd work on the ebook about Sensitivity. However, circumstances changed, and I've been frantically finishing my book on boundary setting with difficult people. It's supposed to be available at the end of May.

Consequently, I haven't been posting on this blog nor adding columns to my website. But last week, I realized I should send my webmistress the column I had on Sensitivity, which had been languishing in a folder. She posted it yesterday. (See www.drdebraholland.com)

Last night, I received an email from a woman, inquiring about therapy sessions. She works near my office.

Today when she came in, she had a printout of the article and told me it described her--"every word." She said she was going to keep a copy in her purse and refer to it often.

Wow. Unknowingly, my new client gave me an important message. See, I'm exhausted from working so much (went to a company today, where a popular supervisor had committed suicide) and trying to cram writing in at all hours with a short deadline hanging over my head. It seems like the more I write, the more there is to write. My client made me remember WHY I'm doing this--because what I write can help others. What a blessing!

Working on Sensitivity

I received a question from Joy today, asking me for more clarification on an old Ask Dr. Debra column: How to Become Less Sensitive to Negative Words. (See my website: www.drdebraholland.com/archives/ask_march.html ) She wanted more specifics on how to become less sensitive.

I promised Joy that I'd use her question for my next Ask Dr. Debra column, which I've neglected to write in the last few months. This has also spurred me on to complete my (mostly finished) 10 minute ebook titled, Overcoming Sensitivity. I have several 10 minute ebooks languishing on my computer, awaiting final input.

So thanks, Joy, for the inspiration.

What I'd love from readers is comments or questions about sensitivity--either their own, or someone else's. Don't worry, I change names and circumstances for privacy.

Mad at Chase Bank

I am not a ranter by nature. Usually I'm a calm, even-keeled person, who stays moderate in most things in life. But I have a situation that is making me crazy annoyed--my local branch of Chase Bank took out the drop box.

I didn't mind when Chase Bank bought out Washington Mutual. I even opened up a business checking account with them. But taking away the drop box definitely spiked my anger.

Why?

I deposit checks two or three times a week. I almost always use the drop box. I have my deposit prepared beforehand, so I just need to take two steps into the bank, drop the envelope into the slot of the box, grab a new envelope and deposit slip, and leave. 15 seconds max, maybe even 10.

Then one day, there was no drop box. When I enquired about it's absence, I was told the district manager had ordered them taken out, and that I was about the 6th person that had complained to this particular teller. I briefly spoke with the assistant manager, asking her to talk to the district manager to bring the box back. I assumed that when the DM found out how many customers were dissatisfied, he'd immediately return the box.

Wrong!

The next time I went into the bank, still no box. This time I asked for the DM's phone number but instead was given a customer service number. I called and complained. The next week, I again spoke to the bank manager. He said it was a Chase policy.

He wasn't real aware of the complaints about the drop box. I couldn't believe the lack of communication between the tellers and the branch manager. If that many customers are complaining, shouldn't he be told? Wouldn't he have let the tellers know that he wants information about problems?

I also feel that I'm battling alone. All the other dissatisfied people probably stop at complaining to the tellers. They don't take the time or effort to go the extra step. Or they shy away from confrontation. Therefore the branch manager, district manager, and Chase probably think they are dealing with just one crazy lady.

I still wasn't given the DM's phone number, but instead was given the assistant's. I left a message and she called me back, claiming the decision was Chase policy.

I checked on surrounding branches in the area that I occasionally use. They ALL have their drop boxes, so I've started using them instead of the branch I usually use. When I spoke with one manager about the box, she said, "We have no intention of removing the drop box. Our customers would be very upset."

So I was lied to about the decision being company policy. Obviously there could be some leeway with the choice.

That REALLY made me angry. I had planned to refinance my house with Chase. But instead, I took my business to the company who already had my mortgage--Wachovia, now becoming Wells Fargo. I also opened a checking and savings deposit with them. The drop box isn't an issue because I've never seen a line in this Wachovia branch and usually just walk up to a teller, hand her my mortgage payment and walk out. Same as using a drop box.

Yesterday, I forgot to drop off a deposit at the Chase branch I drive by, and needed to go into my branch. Still no drop box. That made me mad all over again.

I again called the customer service number and received the same bull--I could use the night drop or the ATM machine. I don't want to use the night drop because the deposits aren't recorded until the following day. Nor do I want to use the ATM because it takes more TIME. Especially if there's a line.

I also left another message for the DM's assistant.

I can't believe a company who previously didn't do business in California, but now, due to the takeover, is trying to build the brand, satisfy current customers and gather new ones, would make a STUPID, LITTLE decision that would cause customer dissatisfaction instead of satisfaction.

So easy to remedy!

Love TWEET Love

What the world needs now ... is love ... TWEET ... love....

The last two days have been blessedly quieter for me. Except for the clients in my private practice, I have not worked. No consulting jobs this past Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wow. That hasn't happened in months. I'm had so much corporate crisis counseling work, that I've had to turn away a lot of jobs. I'm extremely grateful for the work and the opportunity to help others at a difficult time in their lives, yet I've also been more stressed and exhausted than I like.

With this free time, I've played on Twitter a lot more. To start off, I'm not a social networker. One of these days, I'll do Facebook, but in the meantime, I'm starting out in the shallow water of the Twitter pool.

Up until this week, I've often wondered why I'm doing it. I don't want to post a bunch of boring, personal tweets about what I'm doing. But I do want to pass on motivational, thoughtful, or interesting quotes. Maybe sometimes these quotes will even be mine.

Sometimes this has been a hassle. I prefer not to go to online quote sites and pick one out. Instead I like to glean them from the newspaper, magazines, talks, movies, blogs, emails. In other words, I stumble across them in my personal life, realize what I just read or heard is a great quote, and I save it to tweet.

I usually pop on Twitter once, maybe twice a day. Although there are times when I can go several days when I'm too busy. I try to follow people I know, or people who might inspire, motivate, and teach me. One website, I've learned about is www.dreammanifesto.com. Great blogs, often excerpts taken from self-help books. I've a couple of the books on my to-buy list.

But this week, I've had the luxury to play on Twitter. I've popped on a lot, getting to know more of my followers (all 130 of them). And I've had some wonderful experiences that have let me know that the Twitter World may be more exciting and interesting than I'd previously thought.

On Monday, I was engaged to speak on Woman's Day Radio for the debut show, What's Talkin' With Tra'Renee. My topic was Giving Up Your Job--For His. http://www.womansday.com/Information-Pages/Radio-WD

About an hour before the show, I read on Twitter that Thomas Herold, owner of Dreammanifesto.com had a new blog post up, so I decided to read it. In the blog by Deborah King, author of Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You, she writes, "Throughout the generations, women have consistently lost their identities and stopped living their truth when they marry." www.deborahkingcenter.com

Wow. What a perfect quote to use as an discussion opener. I had a lovely interview, and did, indeed, mention Deborah's quote. Later that day, I googled her website and sent her an email to let her know what I'd done. I also found her on Twitter and began to follow her.

Yesterday, one of my followers, whom I slightly know from one of my writers online groups, posted about having a meltdown. Normally, I wouldn't have seen this post, but since I was visiting the site a lot, it caught my attention. And, of course, I had to find out more. I sent her a direct mail, wondering what was wrong.

Turns out, Crystal-Rain Love had been laid off and was afraid she'd lose her house. The discussion with the mortgage lender was what sent her into a meltdown. I wrote back something supportive, but wanted to do more to help, so I went to her website: www.crystalrainlove.com and from there to her publisher: www.sapphirebluepublishing.com to buy her two books. Cost to me, less than $10.00. The books are ebooks, so I downloaded them right away.

But it occurred to me that I could send out a tweet about Crystal's plight, and maybe some of my numerous (I'm thinking positive, here.) followers might also buy Crystal's books. Then I went to our writers group, posted about Crystal's problems and asked that others also tweet about her. I imagined my little email and tweet about Crystal being spread around the internet, hopefully generating enough books sales to tide her over until she found work.

In helping Crystal, I found myself uplifted. Her situation (like that of so many others) reminded me to appreciate my wonderful life and express gratitude for my blessings. So Crystal ended up helping me far more than I helped her. :)

A little while later, someone I was following posted about an online writers auction for author, Janis Reams Hudson, who needs a lung transplant, and I retweeted it. That's when I realized how much social networking, especially Twitter, could be a wonderful source for GOOD! Wow. www.janisreamshudsonraffle2009.com

Later that day, Deborah King became a follower, listened to the radio show, and emailed me a compliment. Icing on the cake for my Twitter day.

A few minutes ago, an organization I'm following, www.co-creatornetwork.com, posted the line from the Carpenters' song, What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love. That's when the Tweet Love play on words popped into my mind and inspired this blog. Can't wait to see what other Twitter wonders lie in store!

What good things has happened to you from using Twitter or other social media?

Enjoying the Last Days of Summer

After a crazy busy June, July, and much of August, I've had a little more time in my life for the last two weeks. With that space, I noticed that the summer was practically over, and I hadn't done much of my favorite summer activities.

Much of my enjoyment of summer comes from being on or near the water. Water relaxes me. It also gives me creative energy. So I've been taking the time to swim, even if it's only a few minutes a day.

Saturday, I had my two youngest nieces over, and we stayed in the water for hours. Ten-year-old Kelsey taught me how relaxing it could be to just float on an innertube, while seven-year-old Kimmie wanted to play water games. In between swimming in the pool, we took the time to make peach ice cream--although I hadn't frozen the peaches long enough and we ended up with peach smoothies. Yum.

The week before, Don and I took his boat out and cruised around Newport harbor, looking at all the beautiful homes. Then we docked and relaxed on the boat and ate dinner, watching the other boaters go by.

Today, I've noticed that I'm relaxed and energized. I've edited 100 pages of my book, and caught up with a lot of my email. I've tackled some chores around the house, and taken the dog for a walk. I no longer feel like summer is escaping me.

In Southern California, we'll have summer weather for a while longer, so it won't be too late to enjoy the outdoors. But even if you don't live in Southern California, you probably have a few weeks left of warm weather.

Take the time to stop and ask yourself what you'd like to do for yourself before the summer's over. Don't allow the season to pass you by without doing something you love.

Any suggestions?

Julie and Julia

My boyfriend, Don, and I went to see Julie & Julia yesterday. I thought the concept of the movie, sounded fun, and since Don loves to cook (I don't) I figured we'd both enjoy the movie. And I was right. Charming and funny--I laughed out loud in several places--I especially enjoyed the scenes with Julia Child in Paris.

In this movie, Nora Ephran combines the memoirs of both Julia Child (author of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and star of the television series, The French Chef), and Julie Powel, author of Julie & Julia. The parallel unfolding of both women's lives is a fascinating, well-woven movie.

At the same time, the movie had an important theme--persistence pays off. Both Julie and Julia encountered obstacles in their path to their goals. Both came close to giving up. But they didn't. The movie shows the importance of finding your passion in life and following where it takes you.

The movie also shows how wonderful a strong marriage can be and how having a partner who supports your dreams and encourages you to overcome your obstacles, can make all the difference in having a successful outcome.

As often happens to me, seeing a certain movie only made me more curious about the book and the lives of the two women I saw on the screen. Later that day, I bought the book, Julie & Julia, expecting have a delightful read and fill in the blanks of the movie.

But that didn't happen. Not a delightful read. Instead, I read a type of memoir that included some segments of Julia and her husband's Paul's life, but was mostly about Julie Powell. The parts about Julia and Paul were disappointingly brief, and written in a more passive voice than the rest of the book.

The author is honest in showing us her flaws, but I found them offputting, rather than endearing. The book is much darker and snarkier than the movie . Julie uses a lot of profanity in life, and thus in her writing. She often mentions her blog readers taking her to task for it, but doesn't try to change. I, too, could have done without the profanity, and even better wish I could have seen her grow in this area.

However, once I got over my disappointment with the narrative and narrator, I became interested in the story. I can't imagine cooking even one of the recipes in Julia's book (or in any other cookbook for that matter) and reading her descriptions of her experiences, good and bad, was fascinating.

But, my craving to know more about Julia Child and her early life wasn't satisfied. Next on the reading list is her autobiography, My Life in France, and the biography, Appetite For Life, by Noel Riley Fitch.

What if ETs Exist?

Although I'm an avid science fiction and fantasy lover, the concept of aliens visiting Earth isn't something I devote a lot of thought to. I do believe that God probably created life in more places than just Earth, but I don't pay much attention to the idea of UFOs. (Except when I'm driving late at night, all alone, up the winding road, to Big Bear Lake, in the mountains, and see a light streak across the sky...)

Then last night, while in the car, I was listening to what I thought was a current talk radio show, but it turned out to be one from about 15 years ago. (I hadn't chosen the station.) In it, the host was describing some alien autopsy photos that had been released to the internet. These were taken from some supposed footage shot by a cameraman in 1947 on an alien autopsy. The radio host sounded pretty excited about the story and the possibility that these could be real.

I couldn't wait to get home to my computer to see the pictures and read about the buzz on the internet. Then the topic switched to the problems in Bosnia.... And I thought, "How can there be a war in Bosnia again? I know I haven't been watching/reading the news much, but I don't think I would have missed this."

Sure enough, an internet search revealed this was a hoax from the 1990's. (When you check out twitter, and the only Roswell posts have to do with driving though the place, or visiting it, that pretty much gives you a clue.)

But I decided the thoughts I had while listening to the show are still valid.

If the government does have evidence of ETs, I believe, this is a good time to come out with the known facts. Why?

1. Most Americans under the age of 50 have grown up with science fiction television, movies, and books. It's not that you can't be a SF fan if you're over 50, but you didn't have as much available to you to make it seem "normal" when you were growing up.

We've had our share of aliens as bad guys. (Independence Day is one of my favorite movies.) But we've also had plenty of aliens as good guys. Aliens can be funny, silly, crafty, or honorable--think Star Wars, or Star Trek--just like humans. Therefore the concept of real life Aliens, might not terrify the people of today in the same way they would have 60 years ago.

2. If the government has any "proof" of aliens, UFOs, etc, they probably would have gathered it over many decades. The fact that we've had sightings or visits but nothing bad has happened in all that time should reassure many. If the aliens were going to destroy us, they would have had plenty of opportunity before now.

3. If Roswell (1947) really happened, that crash is old news, and the truth, while exciting, would not evoke the fear that would happen if a UFO had crashed last week.

4. We've put men on the moon, and a space station in space. There are private companies trying to build space ships for commercial use. The idea of space travel is more of a reality than it's ever been.

5. Although I disagree with some of President's Obama's policies, I do think he's the type of president who would be willing to admit the truth.

So I call upon President Obama. Please, between your important work as the President of the United States, husband, and father, could you set aside some time to find out what the government really knows about UFOs and aliens? Then, once you've been briefed, please have a press conference and release the information, even if the news is that we don't have any information. Let's silence the Roswell controversy once and for all.