Dr. Debra Holland - Blog

Self-Publishing: Earning Back Expenses

2012-01-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

Stormy Montana Sky went live on Amazon and Barnes & Noble on January 14th. As of yesterday, January 27th, the book paid for itself. From here on out, it's all profit, except for any money I'll spend on promotion. (So far in self-publishing I've spent almost nothing on promo.)

Here's a breakdown of my expenses:

Editor: $1500.00

Many will look at this and consider this a high amount, and it is. However, my editor, Louella Nelson, has been my writing teacher and was present while the Montana Sky Series was created. Therefore, she knows my books and my writing style (and flaws) inside and out. She does both a content edit AND a copy edit.

Formatter: $50.00

I had a new formatter this time around because my former one isn't doing it anymore. We did go back and forth a few times to get the formatting right. Although there is this one little place where we can't get the extra indents out...

Cover Artist: $75.00

My cover artist for the Montana Sky Series is Delle Jacobs. She's able to take what I tell her I want and create covers that I love. I also receive great feedback about them.

Although a copyright isn't necessary for self-publishing, I think it's a wise thing to do.

Total: $1660.00

As of last night, I'd sold 649 copies at $3.99, and I'm very grateful for everyone's who's bought my books.

Checking In

2012-01-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

I've had a crazy busy week with several corporate crisis/grief cases, preparing Stormy Montana Sky for self-publishing, and involvement with my local writers organization. So I'm too tired to write a blog. However, I did want to say that Stormy is live as of last night. I went to bed and it wasn't live and woke up to five sales. How cool is that!

I have some great news about the Montana Sky Series, but I'm going to wait to reveal it until all the details are finalized.

2011 Sales Numbers and Other Thoughts

2012-01-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all my blog readers!

What a difference a year makes! Last January 1, I'd hadn't even considered self-publishing. In fact, I had a negative view of self-published books. I was deep the process of writing my nonfiction (traditionally published) book, The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving. At this point in the process, I'd had my two sample chapters accepted by my editor and was looking at writing 18 more in the next two and a half months. I had secret doubts that I'd be able to write a GOOD book by the deadline. I used every motivational trick I knew to keep myself positive and on track. It was the one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. But the book is out now, and I'm getting stellar reviews, so it was all worth it!

Around February, Delle Jacobs posted her monthly self-published sales numbers to our group of friends. I was blown away. I made a mental note to self-publish my novels (that two agents hadn't been able to sell) and wished I wasn't buried in the grief book so I could do it now. Once the grief book was turned in, I knew I had two weeks before my editor would get the revisions back to me. So I did a read through of each of my two fiction manuscripts, paid Delle to

do my covers, made a 10 minute attempt to format the first book, Wild Montana Sky, before giving up and paying someone to do it for me.

Wild Montana Sky went live on the evening of April 28, and the next day, Starry Montana Sky followed. Of course I had hopes for some sales, but I never dreamed that they'd catch on and I'd sell so well: 27,069 (Wild Montana Sky) and 10,207 (Starry Montana Sky) for the year. These numbers are a combination of Amazon and Barnes & Noble. There are probably another 100 or so sales through Smashwords, which reports quarterly. (Monthly numbers below.)

I've been flabbergasted, excited, and humbled at the success of these two sweet historical Westerns. After the grief revisions were done, I began working on Stormy Montana Sky (which I'd begun in 2004 and stopped writing after 50 pages.)

I became a self-publishing cheerleader, speaking to my chaptermates and writing this blog because I wanted other writers to know they had other options besides traditional publishing. I also began preparing the first two

books in my fantasy romance trilogy for publication.

Sower of Dreams went live on July 31 (799 sales) and Reaper of Dreams followed on August 7 (243 sales.) As you can see, they didn't take off like the Westerns did, but they are selling steadily at about 100 and 50 a month. The covers are by Lex Valentine. They've paid for themselves by this point.

I'm waiting for Stormy Montana Sky to return from my copyeditors, and then it will need to be formatted. Hopefully, the book will be available in a week.

In the meantime, I decided to self-publish my Romantic Space Opera, Lywin's Quest, (a 2005 Golden Heart Finalist.) I hesitated to self-publish it because it's EPIC at 140,000 words and the next two books in the trilogy are going to be a lot of work. Look for it

in a few days. I'm experimenting at the higher price of $5.99.

Here's the breakdown by month:

APRIL

WMS 11 (.99)

SMS 5 ($2.99)

MAY

WMS 479

SMS 106

JUNE

WMS 2454

SMS 638

JULY

WMS 5085

SMS 1842

SOD 3 (July 31)

AUGUST

WMS 5106

SMS 2180

SOD 97 (.99)

ROD 45 (Aug 7) ($2.99)

SEPTEMBER

WMS 4348

SMS 1733

SOD 104

ROD 44

OCTOBER

WMS 3975

SMS 1445

SOD 104

ROD 47

NOVEMBER

WMS 2386

SMS 1047

SOD 119

ROD 57

DECEMBER

WMS 3232

SMS 1227

SOD 129

ROD 50

TOTAL SALES

WMS 27,069

SMS 10,207

SERIES 37,272

SOD 556

ROD 243

SERIES 799

During this time, I've done very little promotion. I've written some blogs and done some guest blogs. I've requested reviews from about 10 review sites and the books have been favorable reviewed by all those who said yes. I had a brief pop of sales in October from Pixel of Ink picking up the book. If you look back through my blogs over the last six months, you can read about other things I think work.

Barnes & Noble sells very few of my books in comparison to Amazon. I'm frustrated with that company because there's so much more they could do to improve sales for all their authors. (But that's another blog post.) However, in adding up the numbers for this blog, I was able to see how the consistent (although small) sales can add up over time.

I'm more grateful than I can express to all the readers who bought my book and to the authors who led the way on the path of self-publishing and to those who continue to support and educate me.

I hope you are all taking the time to reflect on the coming year and what you can do to make it the best year ever! Best of luck with keeping all your New Year's resolutions. Here's to a wonderful, healthy, and prosperous 2012!

Black Friday Blog Hop: Giving Thanks for Reading and Other Blessings

2011-11-24T19:53:00.000-08:00

All of my life I've been a compulsive reader. I remember getting in trouble in second grade for reading a book in class instead of paying attention to the teacher. I didn't learn my lesson because I continued to sneak books whenever class was boring--and since I have a masters degree and a Ph.D, I had plenty of opportunities.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me, "Put that book away and do ..." I'd be rich. :)

Even today, I was getting ready to take a shower, waiting for the water to heat up, combing out my hair and reading my Kindle, which I'd set on the bathroom counter. (Isn't great how you can set an ereader down and can read it without holding it in your hands?) My boyfriend popped his head in the doorway to ask me a question and had to make a comment. "You're even reading now?" He doesn't get it. He's not a reader, poor guy. We're kindred spirits in many ways, but not with books. He doesn't know what he's missing.

In counting my blessings this week, I thought of the thousands of authors I've read. I've reread my favorites many times. My books overflow my house, my office, and my boyfriend's house. I even have a library in my house, but can't fit all my books on the shelves. Thank you to every author whose book I've enjoyed. You've enriched my life beyond what I can express in words. I know how much work it is to write a book. A piece of your life goes into every one. Many of you had to go through many difficulties to write your book(s) and get it published. I'm so glad you persisted.

I still buy paper books, but do so less and less. I'm reading more books on my Kindle and having a great time discovering other wonderful self-published authors. I'm probably saving a lot of money for self-published books are usually a LOT less expensive than traditionally published ones. However, if I already have an author's series, I'll continue to purchase matching paper (or hardback) books.

I'm thankful for my Kindle. I love it. It's so much easier to carry around with me because I always have a book in my purse, car, briefcase, etc. I know many people grumble that they'd never use an ereader. If they say that to me, I'll pull out my Kindle and show it to them, including how it works. That seems to change the person's mind, and he or she tells me that maybe....

I especially love the light that's installed in the cover so I can read at night without turning on a lamp. The other night, I read on my way home. (I wasn't driving.) Usually I can't read in the car because I get carsick. But darkness hid the blur out the windows (which is what's supposed to make you sick) and I could read just fine.

I'm thankful for self-publishing. My two series (starting with Wild Montana Sky and Sower of Dreams) have done really well. I've been able to cut back on my private psychotherapy practice and the corporate crisis counseling and write more. (I'm hoping to have Stormy Montana Sky out in a few weeks.)

I'm thankful for Amazon because they've created a platform that allows self-published ebooks to thrive. Because of them, four books that I'd written years ago (and my agents couldn't sell because they didn't fit the New York market) have found readers--about 32,000 readers in 7 months. My sales at Barnes & Noble are picking up, so I'm grateful for them too. I'll also add Smashwords to my blessings list. :)

I'm thankful for my friends who also write. They have supported, educated, prodded, and entertained me.

I'm thankful for Romance Writers of America (RWA) and for my local chapter (Orange County Chapter) and my online chapters--Fantasy, Futuristic, & Paranormal, Hearts Through History, and Scriptscene. I'm the writer I am today because of them. But I'm also thankful that there are many other writers organizations that help their members become better writers and promoters. I get to benefit because they write and sell better books.

I'm thankful for editors, whether or not they make their living through editing. They make my books better. They also make other people's books better.

Most of all, I'm thankful for READERS! Whether you're reading my blogs or my books (or both) you're making it all possible. I'm so very grateful!

I'm giving away a free book (via a Smashwords coupon) to one lucky commenter on my blog on Black Friday. This is your chance to win Sower of Dreams. Good luck!

After commenting, hop on over to Jane Wakley's blog, where she'll be giving out a journal, pen, and bookmark.

My Grief Book's Out!!!

2011-11-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

I went to Barnes & Noble today to see if my book, The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving had come in yet. When the sales clerk led me to the shelf and pulled out the book and handed it to me (to my surprise) I started to cry. He thought I was grieving, and tried to escape. I said, "This is my book. I wrote it." And he practically ran away from the crazy woman. (I should add that I was dressed in workout clothes, with my hair in a ponytail, because I'd dropped by after women's fitness bootcamp.)

I found a chair and started to look through the book, then began reading. I had thought that I wouldn't read the book because I was secretly afraid of what I'd find. I'd written the book to a tight deadline of five months (although it took five and a half) and had never seen the whole thing. I turned in sections as I wrote them. Even my revisions came in chapters. Yet, I quickly became engrossed. I could recognize what I wrote, but it was still surprising. I thought, I can't believe I wrote this. It's so good. It's really going to help people! I figured dancing around the bookstore would really make me look crazy, so I settled for introducing myself to the manager and requesting that they order more books, which she agreed to do.

When I've had time today, I've read more of my book, and except for one paragraph, which I swear one of the editors must have shortened, I'm pleased with it. Oh, and the missing cover quote didn't please me. I'm sort of in awe that it's real.

I also paid attention to something I wouldn't have thought of before self-publishing--formatting. There's lots of complicated and fun formatting in the book, and I really appreciate it now.

I've created something that will hopefully help others for many years to come. That's a humbling thought.

Self-Publishing: What Works--Changing Your Product Page

2011-10-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

I read an article on Digital Book World by Carolyn McCray about refining your Amazon Product page. (Sorry, I can't make a link work, so you'll have to google it.) If you haven't read any blog posts by Carolyn, I recommend you do so. She’s one of those amazing (and incomprehensible to me) women who knows statistics. (I had five stat classes in grad school, yet couldn't do a statistic to save my life.) She’s figured things out about Amazon, that would never even occur to me. I tend to read her articles, go away for a while and think about them, then come back and read them again. And maybe a third time.

Carolyn has monkeyed around with her product page and tracked what worked. She’s figured out a formula that works best for the product pages. In this article, she recommends taking out your blurb and just doing some bullet point highlights. However, before your blurb, you should do two or three short (a few words to a few sentences) reviews. After your blurb, finish with a couple more, hopefully ones that would lead to buying the book or the next one. She also has a lot more good points, but I’ll let you read them for yourself, instead of parroting her here.

I went to Carolyn's product pages and partially agree with her. (Only partly because I would have liked more product descriptions for all her books.) But her bullet point idea was intriguing, and I liked the reviews before and after. What I didn’t like was the lines at the bottom of her product page about her other books, which didn’t make much sense to me, so I skipped reading them after the first book.

My fantasy books have not had the amazing success that my sweet historical Westerns have, only selling a couple of books a day. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try a different way. I went to the product page of Sower of Dreams and took out the blurb, replacing it with:

Overview of Sower of Dreams:

A country invaded.

A princess on the run for her life.

A hero from another world.

An evil god who wants their souls.

Can they join forces to defeat the evil one and win freedom for their people?

(On the product page, they're single-spaced except for the last line. Couldn't make the blog single space them.)

I also added reviews before and after Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky, but did NOT take out the blurb. I didn't want to mess up a good thing. :) So far, it doesn't seem to have made a difference.

I had a good feeling when I made the changes to the product pages of Sower of Dreams and Reaper of Dreams. In the last two days, I’m seeing some improvement. Yesterday, I sold 8 of Sower of Dreams and 4 of Reaper. Today already, I’ve sold 4 of Sower and 3 of Reaper, and it’s only 4:30 PT. In the three months I’ve had these books up, I have had two or three days when the sales have been slightly better, but that’s rare, especially for Reaper.

I've made changes to two of the books on Barnes & Noble, and intend to finish the other two. Also I'll make the changes on Smashwords.

I’ll keep people posted. But if you have a book that’s not doing well, it’s worth changing your product page to see what happens.

Showing the Money: September

2011-10-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the month again to share my Amazon statement for the purpose of providing information to all authors who are interested in self-publishing.

My sales have been heading downward, partly due to the September slump, and partly because I made a big mistake. When I had Sower of Dreams and Reaper of Dreams formatted, I also had Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky reformatted. However, I didn't put them into prc files, and when I uploaded them, the formatting was off and the quotation marks messed up. I didn't catch this because the first few pages (the acknowledgments section) looked fine in the preview. I was focused on the other two books, and didn't pay the attention I should have. Two months went by and one reader gave me a 2 star, commenting on the formatting. Of course, I changed the books, but the damage was done.

so they didn't buy the book. Even though I changed the books, and Amazon has agreed to let buyers know there is a new version, that 2 star with the negative comments is there to stay.

So during September, I had people reading the sample and not liking the formatting,

However, the sales are still good and I'm grateful for every one of them.

THE WILD MONTANA SKY SERIES

Wild Montana Sky: 4211 sales at 35% $1473.98

Starry Montana Sky: 637 sales at 70% $3355.66

(outside countries) 62 sales at 35% $65.10

Total $4894.74

Wild Montana Sky: 11 sales at 35% $2.86

Starry Montana Sky: 4 sales at 70% $5.08

Total: $7.94

GERMANY

Wild Montana Sky 3 sales at 35% $.90

Starry Montana Sky 2 sales at 70% $3.58

Total: $4.48

Total for this series: $4907.16

THE GODS' DREAM TRILOGY

Sower of Dreams: 96 sales at 35% $33.60

Reaper of Dreams 37 sales at 70% $75.48

(outside countries) 3 sales at 35% $3.15

Total: $112.23

Sower of Dreams: 3 sales at 35% $.78

Reaper of Dreams: 1 sales at 70% $1.24

Total: $2.02

Total for the Trilogy $114.25

Total for all four books: $5021.41

Thanks to all the authors, reviews, and readers who've supported my books!

Death Threats--Take Them Seriously

2011-10-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

The recent murder of 8 people, wounding of 1, in Seal Beach by Scott Dekraai hits too close to home for me. My mother's neighbor, Lucia Kondas, was one of the women killed. Although I didn't know Lucia, I did know her husband, a psychologist, with whom I'd spoken.

In reading the stories, I saw a comment that I'd read or heard too many times before--"He threatened to kill her." In this case, it was, "He threatened to come to the shop and kill us."

In working as a crisis counselor for the last ten years, I've counseled far too many people impacted by murder from someone known to the victim. In all the cases I'm remembering, the person (usually a wife/ex-wife and maybe the children) had warnings or fears that they would be killed. Sometimes they took the threats seriously, sometimes they didn't.

However, there were also times, like with Scott Dekraai, that the murderer didn't stop with killing his intended victim. Often he (it's usually a man) would deliberately or accidently hurt or murder others.

The purpose of this blog (besides expressing my condolences to all who are mourning the loss of family and friends) is to alert people to take death threats seriously.

Many times it's hard for people to believe the killing could really happen. Normal people, people you're in contact with, don't go around killing--that's for those crazies on the news.

Or, perhaps intended victim dismisses your concerns, saying something like, "Oh, he really wouldn't do that. He's just trying to control me." Remember that the recipient of the death threats might not take them seriously because she once loved the man and perhaps had children with him. She doesn't think she could have picked a potential murderer to have sex with.

Therefore, when someone makes a threat to harm you or those you know, act. Report the person to the police. Take out a restraining order. If you work together, tell your employer. Take self-defense classes. (The killer doesn't always use a gun, sometimes he uses a knife or other instrument.) Be vigilant of your surroundings.

I'm sure there are others things to do as well. Readers, do you have any suggestions?

My thoughts and prayers go out to all who mourn the victims of the Seal Beach shootings.

2011-10-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

Here are the next covers in the Montana Sky Series. What do you think?

I'm about two thirds through writing Stormy, and hope to have it published in December. I originally thought I'd get it done by November, but I've been working on other things as well.

Originally, I only had four books planned for the series. Then, about two months ago, another book idea came to me. I realized, the new story, Sheltering Montana Sky, was actually book four. So now I have five books in the series. I've also thought of three novellas, two of which I might write before Sheltering.

I'm finding my creativity is exploding with story ideas, and I'm taking notes on various stories when the ideas come to me. It's hard to stick to writing Stormy because I want to explore the others as well.

Remembering Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

When I read the headlines that Steve Jobs had died, tears immediately came to my eyes. Even though I knew he was ill with cancer, I hoped (as I'm sure millions of others did) that he'd recover.

I've been an Apple fan since my first Apple (not Mac) computer. That tells you how long ago it was. I'm typing this on my Mac G4, with my Macbook Air open next to it, and my iphone on the other side.

However, Steve Jobs has touched my life with more than technology.

As I write this, I'm listening (for the third time) to the commence speech Steve gave to Stanford in 2010. If you haven't heard it, it's WELL worth hearing. So very inspirational, especially now that he's passed. (I couldn't get the link to work, so Google it.

Some quotes from the speech:

"Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith."

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do."

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life because almost everything...these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important."

"No one wants to die....and yet death is the destination we all share...death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make room for the new."

"Your time is limited so don't waste it by living other people's life."

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."

"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become."

Steve Jobs changed the world in ways I can't even begin to list. People all over the world who didn't even know him are mourning today.

His final words in the speech: "Stay hungry. Stay foolish."

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends, and co-workers.

Steve Jobs, may your legacy live on.

Self-Publishing, An Author's Despair

2011-09-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

I received an email last week from Carol D. Parker a self-published author (whom I didn't know) telling me how distraught she was that she hasn't sold a book. I could see that my reply to her would be long and detailed and asked her permission to used her email and my reply as a blog, in the hopes that it might also help others.

Dear Dr. Debra

I was broken hearted and terribly disappointed when viewed the “report” on my book and saw that not one copy had been sold in the whole world to anyone. Not one person was interested enough to purchase it. My cover picture is striking and fits the theme of the story. I am so despondent I can’t even talk to anybody. I have to sleep to stop crying. I wrote about it to the support team and asked if they could help me.

Then I ran into your ad and read that you made $20,000 already on your books. I was so upset, I thought I would faint. Can you please tell me what I’m doing wrong? And how you succeeded? I’m sure The Lord doesn’t want me to be a failure.

I have an extensive literary background as Editorial Associate, critic, writing instructor with F&W Publications; Writer’s Digest School. I’m a published writer, contributing writer and editor for numerous publications. My work was featured in the Miami Herald’s Pulitzer Prize winning Tropic Magazine often.

I made a promise to my mother that I would have my books published. When I published my book, “Flukes” with KDP I felt I was fulfilling my promise although she died 3 years ago. I’m 71 and I’m determined to finish this job. Four more books and two in my mind. But right now I am so depressed that I feel it’s not worth it to spend what years I have left struggling to accomplish a back-burner dream.

Thanks for your attention. I know how many irons you have in the fire so I don’t really expect you to answer this. I only hope.

Sincerely
Carol D Parker

Carol,

To clear up a few things before hitting the "meat" of your letter, you must have read my blog because I don't have any adds except the free one from Savvy Authors, which I got for teaching an online class. The 20,000 is sales, not dollars, (of the Montana Sky Series) although I'm close and should hit that mark next month.

Before I address your book, I'm going to put on my psychotherapist "hat." Although I'm NOT diagnosing you, I'm going to suggest that you might have depression. Crying all day to the point you need to sleep to escape is often a symptom. You might also be experiencing complicated grief from the death of your mother. I suggest you see a psychiatrist or counselor to talk about what you might be going through.

I don't believe as you do that "God doesn't want me to be a failure." I do believe that God's definition of success may be very different than mine. Failure is often one of our best opportunities to learn and grow. It's what you make of your failure that's important.

I'm going to be firm with you, which may come across as uncaring. That is not the case. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be writing this.

When you publish a book, regardless of whether it's traditionally published or self-published, you need to promote it. Most of the time, the publisher will do little or nothing to promote your book, and it's up to you. For the last ten years, authors have known this, although to many, it's still a shock to find it out. Because of your age, you may have "grown up" in the time when publishers did more to market a book.

Therefore, you have to adjust your thinking. The success of your book will be up to you--not just to write a good book and have a good cover designed, but to get the word out. There are a lot of blogs and books on the topic of promoting your book.

Also, I can't believe that none of your friends, family, students, fellow writers, and acquaintances have bought your book. I know I have sold about 50-100 books from these people alone. Since self-publishing, my circle of friends has grown! Therefore, I think you must not be mentioning your book to these people. Some people feel self-conscious about doing this. But most people in your circle want to support you and would be eager to buy your book. They're not mind readers, though, so you'll have to tell them. Sales from your circles are what usually gets the ball going. Also don't be shy about asking for reviews.

When I went to Amazon to look up your book, Flukes, I saw 6 names, which confused me and made me think it was an anthology. I suggest you take everyone else's name off but yours. You can acknowledge them in your book.

Then I saw a typo in your blurb/description. That's a big turn off because it tells me that the book might not be well written and/or full of typos.

Your description was also confusing, and I wasn't sure what kind of genre story the book is. It looks like it has some great elements, but they're not put together well.

All three of the above are easy changes. :) Isn't it nice that self-published efforts aren't set in stone?

Keep writing, Carol. Having more than one book makes a difference. GOOD LUCK!

Readers, what else could you say to Carol?

Self-Publishing: September Slump and Gratitude

2011-09-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my four and a half months of self-publishing success, the sales of Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky are down, and have been since the day after Labor Day. I've read enough posts from other self-published authors to know that this seems (with a few exceptions) to be happening across the board. I'm hoping sales will change for all authors after families get settled into their school routines.

Since June, I've tracked my sales figures, writing them down every night before I go to bed--usually around 11:30. I have one of those big desk calendars that I write the numbers reached for the day, number sold, and a running total. (As of last night, 21,275 for the Montana Sky Series, and 230 for the Gods' Dream series.) I'm sure this could be done on a spread sheet, but computer challenged me doesn't know how to do this.

The September slump is interesting (and disappointing as well) because I just had my very best sales numbers a few weeks ago. Wild Montana Sky broke 200 sales in one day on August 27th. Starry Montana Sky broke 100 sales in one day on August 28. Up until Tuesday, Sept 6th, Starry's sales had been consistently above 60 a day, with occasional dips into the upper 50's, and often into the 70's and 80s. Reaching the 90s was always a red letter day. Sales for Wild Montana Sky were from the 140s and above, usually in the 150, 160 average.

I know many self-published readers would LOVE to have my sales numbers, slump or not, and I'm VERY grateful to have them. This slump blog is NOT a complaint. Rather, the slump has made me stop taking something for granted--that my numbers would continue to rise. It's not that that won't happen, but I need to know slumps will occur.

From the very beginning, realizing how much money I could make from self-publishing, I've tried to have a mindset that wouldn't depend on the income. I have cut back on my psychotherapy practice, but not because I've dropped clients. Like book sales, I've long known that the number of clients I saw weekly would also rise and fall. I've been at a low for several months, and instead of worrying like in the past, I've been SO grateful that I now have more free time. (I'd say more time to write, but that doesn't seem to be happening like it should.) Perhaps because while my private practice has waned, my corporate crisis counseling has been up, and that takes a lot of my energy that I then need to recover.

The goals I have in mind for the book money have to do with paying off debt, adding to savings, adding to my IRA, and increasing my charitable contributions. Therefore, if the book money goes away, I'm not left hanging on a limb, but have added to my financial security while I had a chance.

During this slump, I'm remaining optimistic and focusing on gratitude. I have SO much to feel thankful for, primarily for each reader who buys my book. When I feel disappointed about a low sales day, I stop and switch my thinking, often saying a prayer of gratitude for my readers and for everyone who has helped me on my journey, including each person reading this blog. I'm SO very, very thankful!

Self-Publishing--Showing the Money--Month Four

2011-09-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I downloaded my Amazon statement, and, like I have in the last two months, I'm going to share the information in an attempt to help other authors know what's possible with self-publishing. As before, I'm going to remind readers that every author's self-publishing experience is going to be different. I seem to be doing unusually well, and I'm very grateful to everyone who's bought my books since I first began publishing them on April 28th, 2011. Right now, I'm almost to 21,000 sales of the two Montana Skies books in four and a half months.

AUGUST

Wild Montana Sky had 5048 US sales at 35% of .99 for a total of $1755.57.

Starry Montana Sky had 2115 US sales at 70% of $2.99 for a total of 4335.67.

Starry Montana Sky had 54 sales outside countries Amazon is contracted with at 35% of $2.99 for a total of $56.70.

Total for the Montana Sky Series: $6147.94.

I self-published the first book of my fantasy romance trilogy, Sower of Dreams, on the last day of July. In August, I had 93 sales at 35% of .99 for a total of $32.55. Reaper of Dreams was self-published on August 7 and had 44 sales at 70% of $2.99 for $90.16 and one outside sale at 35% for $1.05.

Total for The Gods' Dream Trilogy: $126.76.

Total for both series: $6271.70

As in the previous months, the sales at Barnes and Noble are still under $100. They are inching closer to $100, though. At the end of the month, I'll blog about the B & N numbers.

This month (so far) is slower than the two previous months. I'm at:

Wild Montana Sky: 1968

Starry Montana Sky: 804

Sower of Dreams: 44

Reaper of Dreams: 23

However, I've heard enough other self-published authors complain that their sales are slower this months. Maybe people are too busy during the back to school rush that they aren't buying as many books.

If you're wondering about my promotion efforts, I'm not doing much. Read my previous (and future) blogs to see what I'm doing.

Promotion: Guest Blogger Claire Delacroix

2011-09-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

I've invited Claire Delacroix/Deborah Cooke to be my first ever guest blogger. We've swapped blogs, and I'm on her site today talking about the tales behind my tales. http://www.delacroix.net/wordpress/?p=2828

Welcome, Deb!

Promoting My Books
by Deborah Cooke (http://www.deborahcooke.com)
also writing as Claire Delacroix (http://www.delacroix.net)

Thanks, Debra, for having me visit today!

Debra suggested that I write a post about my self-promotion. I always think it's funny when people ask me about this, because I'm convinced that I'm the world's worst promoter. I do promotion for both my self-published and NY-published books, but I mostly do things I like to do. Let's talk about those.

1. Covers
I get excited about covers. Really excited about covers. I think this is because as a reader, I choose what books to buy on the basis of their covers. Covers do the whole promo job for shopper-me. I will read anything if I like the cover. The thing is that the cover is the one thing that every potential reader will see. It pays to get it right.

I talk a lot about my covers - especially when I like them - and have a tendency to show them around a lot. This means that they get placement on my webpage and lots of mentions on my Facebook pages. I also have been strangely lucky with covers - ::knock wood:: here! - although I can't explain that at all. Maybe enthusiasm turns luck your way.

It also means that I have a lot of opinions about covers. I'm always ready when I deliver a book to my New York editor to talk about the package, and have a bunch of links and ideas at the ready. My Dragonfire books have awesome covers - you can see the cover for FLASHFIRE, which is coming up in January, right here (http://www.deborahcooke.com/flash.html)

One of the most exciting things to me about self-publishing is having complete control of the cover art. (Insert diabolical laughter here.) This is probably because I'm so opinionated about covers. I've found it really exciting to work directly with artists to have my re-released books get the covers I think they should have. One of the most exciting trilogies for me to repackage was my Rogues of Ravensmuir medieval romances. These are very hero-focussed romances with a bit of a darker, more gothic tone. The artist I hired, Eithne O'Hanlon, did a completely awesome job with these three covers. http://www.delacroix.net/rogues.html

In contrast, the loosely linked series called The Jewels of Kinfairlie is lighter in tone, and also medieval. Kim Killion did great covers for these three books, which you can see right here. http://www.delacroix.net/jewels.html In both cases, the linked books have strong graphical branding - there's a novella for a secondary character from the Jewels of Kinfairlie called "The Ballad of Rosamunde" which I had Kim create a cover for as well. I'm glad I did as it looks like part of the set.

2. Websites
What I like about websites is that they are available to readers 24/7. I like to update mine frequently, but it's good for readers that the information about my books is out there all the time. I have three websites right now:

http://www.deborahcooke.com focusses on my Dragonfire series of paranormal romances, which are published by NAL Eclipse.
http://www.thedragondiaries.com highlights my spin-off trilogy, the Dragon Diaries, which is paranormal YA with romantic elements and is also published by NAL in trade.
http://www.delacroix.net is Claire Delacroix's site. Since I've published a lot of books under that name and am digitally republishing a number of them this year, it's my most complex site. Claire Delacroix has written medieval romance, fantasy romance, fantasy with romantic elements. My Claire Cross time travels and contemporary romances are also on this site - three of the time travels have been digitally republished this year - http://www.delacroix.net/ttravels.html (Kim Killion did the two covers with the clocks and clinches!)

I think it's important to keep the brands and series on separate websites. Even on the Delacroix site, I create separate pages for linked series, then link those pages to interconnected series. A reader interested in my medievals might not want to find my future-set post-nuclear but pre-Apocalyptic romances featuring fallen angel heroes - and vice versa! - but everything is there for anyone who wants to explore.

3. Blog
I have a blog called Alive & Knitting, right here http://www.delacroix.net.

I talk about pretty much everything here, from writing to publishing to knitting. (It's true - I am a compulsive knitter.) This summer I started to host guest authors on my blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays, sometimes swapping posts but other times not. I had this idea that if I thought another author was interesting, that my blog-followers might think so too. This has worked out so well that I wish I'd had the idea sooner. (Psst - Debra's over there today!)

4. Facebook
I came late to Facebook, but I enjoy it a lot. I've made a lot of wonderful connections with readers and booksellers and cover artists too. I "met" Eithne on Facebook, which has worked out well for both of us. I have two pages there, again to keep the work in separate groups for readers who want to read one kind of book but not the others. The links are self-explanatory.

http://www.facebook.com/AuthorDeborahCookeFanPage
http://www.facebook.com/AuthorClaireDelacroix

5. Amazon Author Central
Although I belong to many online forums and have my bio and picture on many reader sites, I think Amazon Author Central is the coolest of all of them. I not only can upload my bio and my picture, but I can ensure that all of my books display on my author page. I also have the RSS feed from my blog going to my Amazon author pages, and I just love that Amazon provides Bookscan data every Friday for print published books. Every author can only see his or her own Bookscan data, but those are the most interesting numbers!

6. Writing More
The final big thing that I do to promote my work is write more and publish more. There is a cumulative effect in book sales as an author releases more titles. You can watch in your numbers that a new release will prompt sales in much of the backlist. This effect is so pronounced for me - maybe because I tend to write linked series - that I think it's a better investment for me to get back to my desk and write more than to spend more time on promotion.

But writing is what I really love to do, so I will always choose it over promotion.

What do you think? What promotion do you think works best? And how do you balance writing and promoting?

9-11, A Crisis Counselor's Memories

2011-09-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

I had no idea on the morning of 9-11 that an unthinkable, horrific event was about to occur that would devastate and emotionally wound every American old enough to understand, and would change my life, sending me in a new career direction.

I didn't know about the plane's hitting the Twin Towers. I was doing a phone session when my client mentioned it to me. He described what was happening, and I remember not really understanding. After the session, I turned on the television, just in time to see the second tower fall.

There weren't words to describe my reactions. I, and everyone else, tried to describe what had happened--to label an experience far beyond what anyone had ever witnessed. Shaken, horrified, traumatized, surreal, angry, fearful, confused were common reactions. After watching television for a while, I called all my clients and arranged for phone, instead of in person, sessions. I didn't want to leave my house, and neither did they. In between the sessions, I turned on the TV. I stayed glued to the television for the next two days.

Thursday, Lisa Reinhart, my partner (at the time) in my psychotherapy office, called me to see if I could worked with her, doing crisis work. Lisa had worked for United Behavioral Health as a corporate crisis counselor for about a year. From time to time, she'd told me stories about what she did, which at the time of 9-11, was my only knowledge of crisis work. Right after 9-11, UBH was desperate for extra counselors because they were stretched so thin. Lisa could vouch for me. So because of the emergency circumstances, UBH had me join the team. We were sent to work with the employees of American Airlines, who'd lost two planes and their crews in the tragedy.

That Thursday, Lisa and I went to a hotel, to debrief (do crisis counseling) with the flight crews from other cities. With all the planes grounded, the crews were stranded, unable to return home to loved ones. Lisa led the educational session, then we broke into groups for more personal sharing.

The next day, Friday, Lisa went back to the hotel, and I was sent to LAX, which was just starting to allow limited flights. People were being processed in a parking lot off the airport site, so there were long lines of people trying to get home. Police officers were everywhere. I realized that I didn't have any official paperwork to show I was allowed to get into the airport, and started to pray that I could get in.

I went up to a policeman in front of the line and told him I was the crisis counselor. I showed him my driver's license and business card, and explained why I was here. After scrutinizing me, and seeing that I looked harmless, he said, "I'll let you in, but you might be turned back at the next checkpoint." Relieved, I stepped on board the shuttle that would take me to the airport. The man at the next checkpoint also let me through, and the shuttle dropped me off at the American Airlines terminal.

Inside the terminal, few people were about the usually bustling building. My footsteps echoed in the emptiness. In the Human Resource office, the manager was out on disability, so there was only a part time assistant and an intern. Everything was in chaos. I'm good at organizing chaos, and I waded right in. I organized counseling groups, and found places we could use as private offices, set up phone sessions, and developed flyers to distribute to employees. I drew up a schedule so there could be coverage where needed, 17 hours a day.

Luckily, the psychiatrist American Airlines uses came in to help. He was a skilled trauma counselor, and in the first group we co-lead, I was mostly silent, watching how he took people through the various steps that are an import part of a debriefing. The Red Cross also sent counselors, and a few more UBH counselors arrived. One of them brought me copies of debriefing handouts she'd gotten from taking a crisis counseling class, and, in-between working with people, I studied them.

Late that night, the crews started flying home. We met the first plane, returning to Los Angeles, thinking the crew might need to talk to us. But most wanted to go straight home. They agreed to come back another day for debriefing. After that, we didn't meet the planes.

The flight crews were scared to fly again, angry at the terrorists, grieving for colleagues they knew and didn't know, and experiencing the-it could have been me--syndrome. Their world had turned upside down. All their training in hijacking situations was wrong for the-plane-as-a-bomb senario, and they felt helpless and out of control.

The staff at AA were overwhelmed and overworked. They had planes grounded all over the world. For a long time, they didn't even know where everyone was. They were flooded with employees calling and needing help, but couldn't stay on top of everything because of the sheer number. They were just as traumatized as everyone else, but too busy to do anything about it. They couldn't even squeeze time to talk to the counselors until the second week.

To provide coverage, we had groups scheduled three times a day at a nearby hotel and in the airport. Employees could make an individual appointment or could also drop in without an appointment. They could also call in for phone sessions.

As the next week rolled around, I moved all my clients into evening slots, or canceled them all together. I couldn't afford to completely give up my practice. I knew I'd be paid for the crisis work, but the check wouldn't come for a month or so. My clients were very understanding and glad to give up their time or move it around because they wanted to support me in doing the crisis work.

I worked about 15 hours a day, then had the commute home. I forced myself NOT to turn on the television because I needed to sleep. After a few days, I realized the people who continued to watch television became further traumatized. Therefore, as much as I wanted to tune in to see what was going on, I didn't allow myself.

All the counselors soon found that regardless of their training, 9-11 had changed everything with regards to what is effective. As the week wore on, I started seeing what worked and didn't work, and adapting my counseling methods to fit. I even utilized my martial arts background. In one group, when flight attendants shook from fear at the idea of returning to flying where they might be attacked and killed, I had a tiny, older woman stand up and demonstrated a simple self-defense skill. The energy in the group immediately changed when the women realized that they weren't so helpless after all. We brainstormed some things they could do, such as throwing coke cans, that helped them let go of some of their fear and take back their personal power.

AA used up their contracted amount of crisis hours from UBH, and the intern started to send the counselors home. I called my contact at UBH and told him that I wanted to stay, and that I'd work for free. He told me that wasn't necessary because UBH was going to cover all the expenses. I started to cry from relief and from pride to be associated with a company that was doing such a compassionate and extremely costly (UBH had counselors helping out all over the country) good deed.

As the week stretched on, the Red Cross counselors had to drop out. They couldn't afford the extended time away from their jobs. The need for counselors trickled off. By week three, I was the only one there. I finished the week, and though I hated to leave, it was time to return to my own life.

My life had changed, and not just from the 9-11 experience that changed everyone. I'd discovered I loved crisis counseling and wanted to continue the consulting work as an adjunct to my psychotherapy practice.

I took some formal training so I'd have the right credentials, and continued to work for UBH. I also worked for other employee assistance programs,and as a private corporate crisis/grief counselor. In the last ten years, I've spoken to thousands of people during times of crisis and pain. It might be because of the death of an employee, witnessing an accident, experiencing a robbery, or undergoing a layoff. I've also done mental health relief work after Hurricane Katrina and for various local disasters.

Working as a crisis/grief counselor has given me the material and "expert" status that enabled an editor at Alpha Books to contract with me to write a book. The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving will be out November 1.

People ask me all the time how I can do such difficult work. I tell them it's because I help. People (for the most part) feel better after talking to me. I give a lot of my energy when I do crisis counseling. But since I don't do the work every day, I (usually) have time to recover between jobs.

I'll bet the terrorists never thought that good would come from their villinous acts. They had no idea how Americans would draw together and become a stronger country because of what they did. Thousands of innocent people paid the price. Families, friends, co-workers, and neighbors suffered from the loss. Those who lost loved ones will always grieve for them. The whole city of New York was traumatized, and has had to live with the aftereffects of the destruction. Many companies were directly or indirectly impacted, some going out of business. Their employees suffered from lost wages or jobs. The ripple effects of those acts were dramatic, deep, and lasting.

Americans are scarred now. But we are stronger for it. I'm glad I've been able to take something so horribly tragic and use it for good--for help, for comfort, for healing. I hope you have too.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all who have lost loved ones ten years ago today. They are not forgotten.

Self-Publishing--What Works--Networks

2011-09-04T11:04:00.001-07:00

In my twelve or so years of writing fiction, I've developed many networks with other authors. Some of these networks are only one or two people. Others have hundreds of authors and are still growing. Some of these networks go back to the beginning of my writing career--my first writing class/critique group and my local chapter of RWA, Orange County, California--and another is less than two months old--a yahoo group of self-published romance writers.

These groups have women (and some men) who are pursuing a writing career. They are eager to learn the craft of writing, publishing, and promoting, and to share their knowledge with others. These people have learned that helping other authors also helps them.

I once heard New York Times best selling author, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, say at a conference that other authors are NOT your competition because a reader will read your book and immediately want another book. They might speed through your backlist, and then what? You won't have another book out for six months or a year. What are readers going to do in the meantime? Read other books. Will that stop them from reading yours when it comes out? No! The only thing that will stop (some) readers from buying a favorite author (or checking the book out from the library) is if that author produces one or two not so good (or even bad) books.

Therefore, it's important not to see other authors as your competition, but as your support system. I can't even count the various ways, big and small, that I've learned from or received support from other authors. I've developed some true and wonderful friendships. Some of these women (and one man) I rarely (if ever) see in person. My success is without a doubt due to other authors, who've been teachers, mentors, coaches, friends, promoters, and supporters.

I wouldn't be a self-published author if I didn't have a network that actually has a name, the Wet Noodle Posse, composed of authors who were RWA Golden Heart finalists in 2003. Many of these ladies have become dear friends. About four of them started self-publishing before me and sharing about their success. Because of that information, I resolved to self-publish as soon as I finished writing The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving and turned it in to my editor. If it weren't for my WNP friends, I might not even be aware of self-publishing yet. I cringe at the thought.

Other friends and acquaintances from my writers' networks have given me so much information about self-publishing and promotion. They've bought my books (Wild Montana Sky and Sower of Dreams) promoted them on Twitter, Facebook, or their blogs, invited me to guest blog, reviewed my books, or swapped chapters with me. They've also recommended my books by word of mouth. Some of these things I requested, but many came spontaneously.

Most people who are in my networks know that I will do the same for them. For example, last week, I had a wonderful talk about books with Donna (whom I'd just met at a job function.) We found that we're both huge readers with a lot of favorite authors in common. When she told me she likes time travel romance, I recommend WNP friend, Theresa Ragan, another self-published author. I almost fell out of my chair when Donna told me she'd already read Theresa's books and loved them, especially Return of the Rose. By the end of the conversation, Donna had written down a list of my self-published friends and intended to go buy their books. I'd also asked her to write a 5 star review for Return of the Rose, which she has.

A few minutes ago, I wrote an email to a fan. This fan wanted to know when Stormy Montana Sky was coming out (late November.) In my email (among other things) I recommended Caroline Fyffe's books because her Westerns have a similar tone to mine. I told him that Caroline's books (out in a few weeks) could help tide him over until Stormy is out.

If you go through my blogs, I've sprinkled my friends' names and links to their books. Some have done the same for me. Maybe one of these days, I'll write a blog that just list my friends and links to their books. :)

After I write this blog, my next task is to check out a list of the self-published books from members of one of my networks, perhaps to buy some, but certainly to add checks to their tag boxes.

So you see, the GIVE and take of networking can be both personally fulfilling and of benefit to your sales figures. When you're promoting your books, think of how you can also promote others. I promise you'll reap the rewards.

Self-Publishing--What Works--Swapping Chapters

2011-08-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

At the back of all my self-published books, I have several first chapters from my friends' books. This isn't a new concept, traditional publishers have been doing it for a while, and I've been hooked a couple of times from reading an excerpt in a book I've just finished.

As I was preparing Wild Montana Sky for publishing, I wrote an author who was in the RWA Futuristic, Fantasy, and Paranormal chapter with me, Paty Jager. Paty wasn't a personal friend and (at that time) I hadn't read her books. Yet I knew of her Historical Western Romances because Paty is the Queen of Blogging, and I'd read a lot of her guest blog posts. In one of her blogs or chapter emails, she'd mentioned she was self-publishing, Marshall in Petticoats and the rest of the series. I emailed her to ask if she'd want to swap, and she agreed, even though Wild Montana Sky wasn't sexy and Marshall in Petticoats was. We agreed to put a "warning" before the excerpt so readers would know what they were getting.

At the time, I thought I was the one who'd reap the most benefits from the relationship because I assumed Paty's fiendish (in a good way) promotion of her book, Spirit of the Lake, would spill over to Marshall, and then trickle to me. And I'm sure that has happened. However, with the early success of Wild Montana Sky, I was soon outselling Paty. I think my "sweet" readers weren't jumping to a sexy book. But after about a month, I started seeing on the Amazon section of Customers-who-bought-this-also-bought... that Paty's book had popped up on Wild Montana Sky's page. Yay! It bounced on and off for a few weeks, but since than has stayed solid. Paty's next book, Outlaw in Petticoats soon joined it. My readers who love Westerns did jump on Paty's series, and I think the same happened for those who liked my excerpt in her book.

For Starry Montana Sky, I asked my friend, Janet Quinn, who I knew was going to self-publish a small press Western she'd gotten her rights back to. I'd read and enjoyed Wild Honey when it had first come out, and knew it would be a good fit. Janet emailed me her first chapter, and I included it. She lagged at finishing it, and I nagged at her to finish her preparations in self-publishing the book. Finally, she did, but she missed about a month's worth of people being able to immediately buy her book. It took longer for Wild Honey to pop up and stay on my readers-who-bought section. I think this happened because sales for Starry were slower due to the higher price point. (Although they sure have picked up. I hit 100 sales in one day for the first time just yesterday!)

About a month ago, my friend Colleen Gleason/Joss Ware, multi-published multi-subgenre writer asked if I wanted to swap chapters with her sweet Medieval romance, Sanctuary of Roses. She wanted to pick up the sales of her (beautiful) Medieval series, which lagged behind her other subgenre books. I wasn't sure if my Western readers would cross over, but I thought some of my sweet readers might. And of course, I hoped Colleen's readers might also like Wild Montana Sky.

I made a new friend when I discovered Caroline Fyffe. Her book, Montana Dawn had a title and cover that caught my attention because they reminded me of my series. We've discovered we're kindred writing spirits when it comes to our books, even though they are completely different stories. Carolyn has her rights back and is about to self-publish Montana Dawn and her other Westerns. We are going to swap chapters. I know my readers will love her books.

For Sower of Dreams, I traded chapters with my dear friend, Cate Rowen. I have her Source of Magic in the back of the book. I'm especially happy for this because many years ago, I edited Source for her and she did Sower for me. We both LOVED each other's books, and to have the success we are both having with self-publishing thrills us to no end. I'm more than happy to send readers her way.

In looking back over this post, I've also realized the importance of having friends who promote you, and you promote them. But that's another blog post. :)

Avoiding Abusive Relationships

2011-08-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

For the last week, I've been working as a crisis/grief counselor at a workplace where an employee was brutally stabbed by her ex-husband. I've been dealing with traumatized and grieving employees and customers who mourn the loss of Leslie, a woman who was (by all accounts) friendly, cheerful, funny, and made you feel special. She was always smiling, even though she had a difficult home life, with a husband who had beaten her at a former workplace, and was continuing to stalk and threaten her.

Leslie's story has been on the television news and in the newspapers, so I'm freer to write about her than I would be if that wasn't the case, although I am changing her name.

Leslie had recently moved out of her home, and her daughters and friends were proud of her for taking that step. Unfortunately, it's when a woman tries to escape from an abusive man that he can turn violent, and that's what happened with Leslie's ex.

It's extremely difficult to pry a woman out of an abusive relationship. She thinks she "loves" him. She's verbally (and perhaps physically) beaten down to the point where she has no self-esteem and believes that much of what happens is her fault. She may have little resources to aid in her escape. She may fear for her life if she leaves. And she may have children that bind her to a relationship with their father.

This blog isn't about helping women to escape an abusive relationship. It's to educate people about how to not get into one in the first place. The beginning of a relationship is when the woman has the most self-confidence and emotional resources to leave. This blog is about educating women to see the trap and not walk into it.

JEALOUSY AND CONTROL ISN'T LOVE. IT'S INSECURITY!!!

No matter how much a woman loves a man, she can't make him secure. She can't change him. He has to do that work for himself. But most women believe that if they love a man enough, he'll change. And sometimes, men do change. But they have to want and make the effort to. Pouring all your love into an abusive man is like pouring it into a bucket full of holes.

There are red flags that a man is controlling. He is often very attentive and loving at first. He knows how to get a woman to fall in love with him. Then he starts his attempts to control her. These attempts don't look like a big deal at first. He may start to criticize her. He might complain about her hanging out with one of her male friends. Or, he might tell her to change the outfit she's wearing because it's too revealing or sexy. He makes the excuse that he doesn't want other men looking at her, or he's afraid he'll lose her. She may think this is romantic and loving.

This is the point to leave. Most women don't because they don't understand their danger. Or, they may have had a father/step-father who verbally (and physically) abused their mother. But if a woman continues in the relationship, then BEWARE because his attempts to control won't stop.

The control is gradual. In the beginning, a woman might be okay with giving up a friendship or changing how she dresses. She wants to please him. But systematically, he isolates her from friends and family. He doesn't want her to have a support system. He wants to be the focus of her attention. She might find herself living in a "box" of rigid do's and don'ts. Sometimes his rules are arbitrary, giving him a chance to punish her when she does something "wrong." But even then she won't be able to please him because he'll always be insecure.

At some point the woman becomes the man's property. She belongs to him, and if he can't have her, no one will. He threatens to kill her if she leaves. He stalks her if she does. Then, like in Leslie's case, he may actually murders her.

Leslie had so much love and energy to give a man. She had plenty of experience with cheering people up and showing them she cared. That's who she was as a human being. I'm sure she thought that if she'd just showed her love to her husband enough, he'd relax and feel secure.

Perhaps, like with most abusive men, he wooed her back. Sent flowers, acted loving, promised to change. Maybe he did "change" for a few days, or weeks, or months, or even a couple of years. But the signs that the change wasn't real were still probably there. Leslie might have ignored them, or not known to take them seriously.

It's too late for Leslie, but her life and her death can make a difference for others.

IF A MAN EVER HITS YOU THEN LEAVE. HE WILL DO IT AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS TO THE CONTRARY.

A good book on this subject is: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. I think it's essential reading for any woman.

Rest in Peace, Leslie. You're safe now.

Self-Publishing--What Works--5 Star Reviews

2011-08-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

I know authors who've been in the business for a long time are good at not looking at their reviews on publisher sites. Nor do they look at their reviews from professional reviews. (But that's another blog.) They've learned the truth about how you can't please everyone. I'm not able to do that yet, and don't see being at that place for quite a while. It seems all my self-published friends are the same.

Enough of my friends have examples of nasty, weird, or crazy reviews. There are some people out there who are negative and critical, and none of us are immune from their toxicity. I've read some of these describing a book I happened to enjoy, and I just have to shake my head and wonder why that reader didn't have the same experience. I know we're all different and have differing expectations, but I can't fantom giving any good book a 1 star.

Five star reviews are vital to the success of a self-published book, especially by an unknown or little known author. The 5 and 4 star reviews will make a reader stop and consider buying the book. For some readers, the positive stars are enough, and they don't bother to find out more. Other readers will read a couple of reviews, or they will carefully read through all the reviews before making their decisions. Then there are the readers that may be interested in the book, but wait to see what kind of reviews are generated before they buy.

I am so grateful for each person who has given me a good review--whether I knew them before or not. I'm not so grateful for the negative reviews (at this time, three 3 star ones for Wild Montana Sky) because they hurt when I first received them. I do try to focus on feeling glad that these readers gave the books a try. I also know this makes the book look more legitimate. If everyone loves the book then maybe all the reviews are written by friends and family.

For each 5 star review I received, my sales rose a bit--from a couple of book sales to ten a day. The rise in sales seemed to level out at about eight or nine reviews. I'll be interested to see what happens with my recently published book, Sower of Dreams, to see if that holds true for the fantasy romance series as well.

I have reviews generated from 4 different types of readers:

1. Author friends/acquaintances

2. Family Members and friends

3. General Readership

4. Fans who wrote me about the books

Let me expand:

1. I have author friends who are self-publishing their books, and I've been eager to read them, especially if I've known about the book for a long time. I know these authors feel the same about my books. When I read their books, I'm happy to review them, and they do the same for me. Through joining a group of self-published authors, I'm meeting more and more who have books I want to read. I have a bunch on my Kindle already. If I like a book, I'll review it. If I don't like it (which hasn't happened yet) I won't. A few have done the same for me.

2. My uncle played an important part in Wild Montana Sky. He helped with the scene where the heroine learns to shoot and also on the bear attack scene. He is NOT a romance reader, but after he read Wild Montana Sky on his Kindle, he wrote me the most beautiful email, which definitely made me cry. I asked him to use part of the email as a review, and he did. He went on to read Starry Montana Sky, and tells me to hurry up with the next one.

One of my friends, also not a romance reader, read the book and told me she really liked it. I asked her if she would post a review, and she did one for Starry.

3. Other reviews come from people whom I don't know, will never know, but will always wish I could hug and say a heartfelt "thank you." In many ways, these reviews mean the most of all because they come from strangers.

4. I was floored by my first fan email. She described herself as "spellbound" by the stories. I asked her if she'd be willing to post what she'd written to me as a review. A few days later, she did, although she didn't use the spellbound description, darn it.

Since then, I've received several other fan emails. I've replied to each one, telling the reader that her email has made my day. I answer any questions or respond to comments. Then at the end, I make my request. It goes something like this: "I have a request. Would you be willing to take some of what you've written to me and write a review on Amazon? Positive reviews mean so much to authors, and I'd really appreciate it." So far, each person has written a review.

I make sure to put in the point of reviewing for other authors. Most people don't even think to write a review. I certainly didn't. Most people (who already like your book) will be glad to do this for you. Once they start, they might continue to post positive reviews for others.

Since I've started self-publishing, I've been making a point to write reviews. I mostly give positive ones, although if I'm frustrated by a book, and I don't know the author, it might be a 3 star. But that's rare. (If I know the author, I'll email or tell her in person about what troubled me.) Writing 5 star reviews is fun, although I usually just make a few comments, I don't recap the book. I like thinking about how happy that author will be when she/he discovers it.

Self-Publishing--What Works--Price Point

2011-08-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

I think my pricing strategy has led to successful sales. For both series, I've set the first book at .99 and the second at 2.99. When the third books in each series are finished I intend to sell them at 3.99.

There are two cons to the .99 book. The first one is that some people think you are showing the reader that you don't value your book. Personally, I think this is a silly concept. It never even occurred to me to think that way until I read it on several blogs. The second con is that you only receive 35% on .99. Therefore, I make a LOT more money on the books that sell for 2.99. I know a lot of people who say that they'd rather sell less and make more. That's their choice.

The reason I originally went with .99 is that I thought a reader is taking a risk on an unknown author when they buy my book. Far more readers are going to make that choice when the risk to their pocketbook is less. By book two, I figure that I'm no longer an unknown author, and thus the price of book two. Originally, I sold more of Wild Montana Sky than Starry Montana Sky--about 5 or 6 to 1. Gradually Starry crept up until it was 2 or 3 to 1. For example, yesterday, I sold 187 copies of Wild Montana Sky and 74 of Starry Montana Sky. A good day for both books.

Having more sales, even though I don't make much money on them (although still more than I'd make per traditionally published book) resulted in more sales. Higher sales resulted in a better sales ranking and in my making Amazon top 100 lists. Being on those lists sold more books. About a month later, Starry Montana Sky ended up on the top lists, too. As I write this, Wild Montana Sky is ranked #217 in the Kindle Store. And #5 #6 #9 on several lists that end in Historical or Historical Romance. Starry Montana Sky is ranked at #751 in the Kindle Store, and #2, #32, #32 on different lists.

Having a .99 book also has caught the attention of some bloggers who look for cheap books. It hasn't gotten a lot of attention, but has gotten some.

If you are a popular author who is publishing your backlist, then you might not need to have a .99 book. However, you might still do it to draw in new readers.

One of my friends, Jacqueline Diamond, has written contemporaries for Harlequin for as long as I've known her. However, she has an extensive backlist of Regencies and a few other genres that I've happily been reading. After a few months with disappointing sales, she followed my example and her sales have picked up.

The nice thing about self-published ebooks is that you pick the price and it's not set in stone. You can play around with the price and see what works. You can try a .99 book to see if it jump starts your sales, but after a few weeks or months, raise the price.

The more books you have published, the more you can experiment. So keep writing!

Self-Publishing--What Works

2011-08-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

Since my last blog post, I've had so many people ask me about what I've done to promote my books, Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky, that I promised to blog about what has worked for me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the question and realized that I can't just blog about promotion because I believe far more goes into a successful ebook than promotion alone. However, if I wrote everything I think works in one blog, you'd be reading a book. So I'm going to break it down into a series of blogs.

I've been amazed at the success of my books. They are simple stories, traditional, maybe even a bit old-fashioned. They are more "Americana," like Little House on the Prairie than "Western" like Lonesome Dove. And I think that's part of their appeal. There's a whole niche of readers who have missed "sweet" romances. They may have even stopped reading romance because they are uncomfortable with the sexuality. There's also a lot of other readers (like me) who just like romance. They won't care if it's sexy or if it's sweet. Readers who prefer "hot" romance will be able to tell from the cover and the description that these are not sexy books and, thus, won't buy them.

The other niche I've hit is historical Western. There are avid Western readers out there. Most enjoy both contemporary and historical Westerns. However, there aren't many historical Westerns published today, so fans of historicals tend to pounce on one when they come across it.

Therefore, if you're going to self-publish a book, think about your niche. It might be one that's tremendously popular--New York turns out lots of books in that subgenre. Or it might be a small niche, neglected by New York, that has avid readers. For example: Time Travel is a self-published subgenre that's doing very well for some friends of mine.

You might have to go with your instincts that readers will like your type of book. That's what I did when I believed that there were readers for sweet stories. The problem I always had was how can publishers find these readers if they've stopped buying romance? I've stopped worrying about that because those readers are finding me.

Or you might position your story to take advantage of a topic or activity that's already popular. Yesterday, I had a talk with a friend who's going to self-publish a book that was originally published in the late 1990s. The hero in the book is a retired Formula One race car driver. I suggested she make him a former Nascar driver. When the book was originally published Nascar wasn't as popular as it is now. Nascar has a huge and growing following. More and more women are are becoming fans. Therefore, she has a built-in market for her book.

Having a niche also ties in with your promotion efforts. Although I haven't done so, I've been thinking of promoting to the Christian market. My books aren't inspirational, but they do have some inspirational elements. I think that would also be a good word-of-mouth market. One woman likes the book, and she tells other women at her church about it.

I'm not saying write to the market or what you think the market is. I'm saying write the book you want to write. Just take some time to think about the possible niche or niches and see if there's anything you can do to increase your readership by tweeking your book in any way.

Self-Publishing--Showing the Money ll

2011-08-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

I've had many people tell me they appreciated my prior blog (July 17) about my self-published sales of my two sweet historical Westerns, Wild Montana Sky (.99) and Starry Montana Sky (2.99). They also asked that I'd keep posting information about sales and money.

To recap, I published the two books on the evening of April 28th on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords. I'm going to continue to only discuss Kindle because my sales on Nook and Smashwords are under $100.

Today, I received my sales report for July from Amazon.

Wild Montana Sky :

5026 US sales $1759.53

8 UK sales 2.08

1 Germany .30

Total $1761.91

Starry Montana Sky:

1777 US sales $3613.89

4 UK 5.08

1 Germany 1.40

47 (outside) 49.35

Total $3669.72

Total $ 5431.63

On July 31, I published the first in my fantasy romance series, Sower of Dreams.

3 US sales $1.05

This brings my Kindle income (three months and a couple of days) to date:

$7955.66

So far my sales for August on Amazon are:

Wild Montana Sky: 2227

Starry Montana Sky: 993

Sower of Dreams: 35

Reaper of Dreams: 20

I'm SO very glad I decided to self-publish. As you can see, my results have been (in my opinion) amazing! I'm so grateful to everyone who's supported me in this process, especially my readers!

10,000 Self-Published Sales!

2011-07-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Today I hit 10,000 for my two ebooks, Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky that I self-published 13 weeks ago. Wow. When I first started this process, I had no idea I could have this kind of success within such a short time period. It's exciting and humbling at the same time. By this time, I've made (even though the money won't be in my bank account for a couple more months) roughly $8000--probably as much as if I'd sold both books to some traditional New York publishers, and more than if I'd sold to some others. Definitely more than if I'd sold to a small press because they typically don't give advances.

I've come to believe anything is possible in my self-publishing career, perhaps not with only two books, but certainly as I produce more. I'm starting to reconfigure the rest of my life, scaling back a bit on my psychotherapy practice and the corporate crisis counseling. Not much, but I can see a future where I do a lot less. I NEVER would have thought about cutting back, but I've found myself somewhat burned out lately with work I usually love, and I'm hopeful of making some changes--maybe not forever--but certainly for a while. Now if only I could make myself write more.

I'm about to launch (tonight or tomorrow) the first book in a fantasy romance trilogy, Sower of Dreams. This book was a Golden Heart finalist, but never sold because it's not sexy. The second book will go up as soon as the cover is done, and the third in January. It's going to be interesting to see what will happen with a different subgenre.

Self-Publishing, Showing the Money

2011-07-17T20:46:00.001-07:00

I've been grateful for the self-published authors, especially my friend Theresa Ragan, who've been willing to talk about the money they've made from their experience. Before, I start, I want to say that everyone's journey is going to be different. I know people who are doing far better in sales than I am, and others who aren't. But every day, sales figures change. You may not be selling many books now, but in a year could make a nice living. Or you might just make enough every month to go out to dinner. But that's one night out that you wouldn't have had before. :) It's important to be patient. It's important to be grateful for every book sale.

I'm going to just discuss my Kindle sales because my Nook and Smashwords sales have been minimal--about 100 books on Nook and 10 on Smashwords. (In three months total.)

On April 28, I published Wild Montana Sky (.99) and Starry Montana Sky (2.99).

So I only had about two and a half days of sales in April and I'm sure most of those came from friends. :)

WMS 11

SMS 5 (1 outside the US/UK/Germany so it only makes 35%)

Total $13.06

May:

For the US

WMS 465

SMS 105 (2 outside)

For the UK

WMS 12

For Germany

WMS 2

Total: $377.12

June:

WMS 2441

SMS 633 (17 outside)

WMS 5

SMK 2

Germany

WMS 1

Total:$2132.80

Total for the three months and two days: $2522.98

So far in July (as of the 17th) I've sold 2732 copies of WMS and 913 of SMS.

All this is passive income--I wrote the books (and had them professionally edited) 10 years ago.

I'm so very grateful for this experience and I thank every single person who has bought one of my books!

Honorable Company

2011-06-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

One of my all-time favorite authors is Georgette Heyer. I started reading her as a young teenager and have read all her books. My copies are tattered. I reread some of my favorites every couple of years. When I was at USC, I entered a competition sponsored by the library where you had to write a paper about why you collect certain books. I wrote about Georgette Heyer. The paper and the books were then displayed in the library for a couple of weeks. Only a few students entered. Of course, I was the only romance reader and my even-then battered collection of paperbacks looked shabby next to the other entrants' hardbound editions. I'd bought them all used from garage sales and thrift stores, a lovingly collected bunch that didn't do justice to how I felt about the books. Even now, when I could afford to replace them all with the newly reissued editions of Georgette Heyer's books, I prefer my familiar old copies.

Her historical romances are also being released on Kindle. A couple of them for free. Yay. I downloaded them.

For the last several weeks, my self-published ebook, Wild Montana Sky (as of today, I've sold 2700 copies of WMS and Starry Montana Sky combined in eight weeks) has been on some of the Amazon Top 100 lists. Today I was thrilled to find WMS right by The Grand Sophy, by Georgette Heyer. TGS is one of my favorite of her books. What a thrill to be on the same list. I feel so honored and blessed.

Thank much readers who are buying my books! I really appreciate it!!!

1000 Self-Publishing Sales

2011-06-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I reached 1000 sales (combined) of my self-published "sweet' historical Westerns, Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky. Wow. I'm amazed how much I sold in less than six weeks. I haven't done much publicity. I've blogged about it here (although I don't think anyone reads my blog posts.) I've written another blog, and I've Facebooked and Tweeted. Some friends have also Facebooked and Tweeted on my behalf.

One thing I have learned is about the importance of TAGS. Tags are descriptive words that people can use when searching for your book. Before I published, I read a post on an Amazon forum that discussed the importance of using as many tags as you can think of. When I published, I used about six tags. Then, as I've gotten reader feedback through reviews or letters, I've set aside some of their words to use when I wanted to add tags--"Wholesome Romance," and "Family Romance" were two descriptions people used.

My friend, Colleen Gleason, has a self-published paranormal/science fiction/romantic suspense, Siberian Treasure, that partly takes place in an underground city, reached through a cave. She added "caving" to her tag list. Low and behold, her book showed up on the Amazon top 100 list for Outdoor Adventure Books. The last part of Starry Montana Sky takes place in a cave system, so I decided to follow Colleen's example and added "caving" and "miniature horses" as tags.

Yesterday, when the tags went into effect, Starry Montana Sky, started having more sales than usual in the morning. Soon, it showed up as #64 on the Outdoor Adventure list, sending me into a fit of giggles. Also yesterday, I had a record amount of sales for Starry--16. My previous high was 10. Usually, I have about 6 to 8 sales.

So if your thinking about self-publishing a book, carefully consider your tags. They're more important than you think.

600 and Counting

2011-05-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

Wow is the best way I can describe my self-publishing experience. I self-published two of my books, Wild Montana Sky and Starry Montana Sky, on Amazon, Barnes & Nobel, and Smashwords four weeks and three days ago. Today I just hit 600 books sold. Wow! And that's without doing much publicity except mentioning it on Twitter and Facebook. Plus some of my friends posted about the books. I've also mentioned my experience to some of my friends, and they've been kind enough to buy the books. Thank you, dear ones.

This week, I've finally tuned into the Amazon top 100 lists. I didn't pay attention to them because I assumed I wouldn't make one. At least not at this stage. Then, Friday, one of my friends ended up on the Historical list. In checking it out, I found I was there too. #93. I don't know how long I've been on the list, maybe a couple of days. Since then, I've gotten as high (that I've noticed) as #80 and as low as #97. Wow! I can't believe I'm on an Amazon top 100 list!

What's the best thing about self-publishing? I'd say there's several:

One is control. I was able to tell my cover designer, Delle Jacobs, what I wanted, and she delivered. I love my covers. I'd never have a say in a New York publisher cover. I've held back from attempting to sell to small presses except for a couple that do great covers. I didn't like the covers most small presses put out (although that has changed with so many great people designing covers now) and didn't want one on my book.

The second is I love that people, many whom I don't know and will never know, are reading my books. I hope they are enjoying them. For books that have languished on my computer for years, to have them available to the public, is so wonderful. My first fan letters--one from my writing teacher and one from my uncle--brought tears to my eyes. Wow! My mom is reading Wild Montana Sky right now on the Kindle my brother and I bought her for Mother's Day. I think only a book by her daughter would have gotten her to try an ebook reader. Now she's loving it.

I have a great group of friends, members of the Wet Noodle Posse. We were all finalists in 2003 in Romance Writers of America's (RWA) Golden Heart contest. A few of my friends are ahead of me by months when it comes to self-publishing. Others are preparing their books. (You don't want to self-publish a book that's not well edited.) We are all having the best time, and it's brought us even closer.

So if you have a book that you haven't been able to sell, in spite of selling others, or winning contests, or good feedback from editors, consider self-publishing. And if you own rights to your previous books, then do it. Do it now!

New Books and Publishing Ventures

2011-04-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last five months buried in writing, The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving, for Alpha Books, publishers of The Complete Idiots Guides. They're coming out with a new line for more sensitive subjects. My book will be out in November, but it's already available for preorder on Amazon.

Writing the book in such a short period of time was an arduous process, and I'm SO glad to be finished. I expect revisions in a week or so, but now can focus on other tasks that I've put off due to the deadline. Taxes was one. But that's over too. Now my focus is on self-publishing my novels. A lot of my writer friends are doing it, and I've been anxious to jump on the band wagon. In addition to my nonfiction, I write romance--historical, science fiction/ fantasy, and contemporary.

I have a friend designing the covers of my Romantic Western series (think Pride and Prejudice meets Little House on the Prairie.) As I write this, the files are being converted so the books can be published. I started to try to do it myself, but quickly realized that it would be too stressful and difficult. All my friends have done it themselves, though, so don't let my failed attempt guide you if you want to do it. But I can pay someone else to do it competently in a way shorter time.

Why am I publishing my books myself? The answer is because I don't write sexy romances. I write traditional or "sweet" ones. There isn't a market for sweet historicals. Even though the first book, Wild Montana Sky, is a Romance Writers of America Golden Heart winner, it hasn't sold. I've had two agents try. I believe there are readers who would like to read some stories that are sweet. We'll see what happens. I'll post when the books are up.

Start the New Year With Community Service

2010-12-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

On my run/walk today, I noticed (as always) the litter along the sidewalk. Even though I live in a nice community, there's always little odds and ends of people's stuff tossed away. I always feel guilty running by trash. My parents taught me to never litter, and they often picked up the trash others left. Therefore I see littering as a sin against humanity. I try never to do it, and I'm offended by others who do. Just think how much better the world would be without trash lying around.

Today, I made a resolution to talk a walk on New Year's Day, trashbag in hand. I'm going to pick up litter on my regular run/walk. I'm also going to go along the path through the hills that I run once a week during bootcamp. Total for both places--4 miles.

Just think what could happen if a lot of people did this on New Year's Day. A cleaner world. What a way to start the new year.

Will you join me?

SOLD!!!

2010-10-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

I had a whirlwind experience and ended up selling an unwritten book within a week. It all started with an email from a writer friend, telling me that an agent she was following on Facebook was looking for an expert to write a book on grief and loss.

I sent an email to the agent, then submitted a bio and some writing samples. A week later, I received the good news. The publisher, Alpha Books, wanted me to write The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving. The bad news--a FIVE month deadline. ACK!!!! The book will include other losses besides bereavement.

I was (and am) so excited about this opportunity. I'm also stressed to get it done (WELL) in time.

Since then, I've been frantically researching, taking notes, jotting down ideas, interviewing people, trying to organize an outline, and write some chapters. I'm talking to some wonderful people whose stories bring me to tears. I hope I can do them justice and write a book that really helps people.

Hurricane Katrina, Revisiting my Mental Health Relief Work

2010-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, I wrote this article about my mental health relief work after Hurricane Katrina. When I reread it today, I finished with tears in my eyes. My experiences in Louisiana had a profound impact on me. One of the hardest things about relief work (after returning home) is not knowing what happened to those people with whom I interacted, especially the ones I came to deeply care about. I've never stopped praying for them and wishing them well.

***

As I watched the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina on the news, and read personal horror stories posted on the internet, I knew I wanted to offer my services to the victims, using my skills in critical incident stress debriefing.

With the financial backing and emotional support from friends, family, and members of my karate studio, I left my private psychotherapy practice for two weeks to travel to Houma, Louisiana. Acquaintances in Houma (who soon became friends) provided me housing, meals, transportation, and emotional support.

Once I arrived, I was conscripted into a relief organization. The mental health director greeted me with a big hug, saying she’d been in tears that morning from the shortage of mental health workers. She assigned me to the shelters in the two gyms at Nicholls State University in Thibodaux.

Our shelter population fluctuated between 800 to 1100 people, usually hovering around 1000. They ranged from people who’d lost everything and had survived the horrors of the Superdome or had been rescued from roofs, to those whose homes were still standing, but the families had been forced to evacuate. A large percentage of the people were poor African-Americans, many of whom had never been out of New Orleans. In some cases, Thibodaux was a whole new world for them. Some found the newness frightening, and wanted to return home to their familiar surroundings, even if their familiar surroundings no longer existed. Others loved the openness and the greenery of the rural area, and made up their minds not to return.

On my first day, I began hearing people’s survival stories, or had them relayed to me by the other counselors. One woman, who’d survived the Superdome, had wrapped her clothing around her neck at night as frail protection against getting her throat cut. Others shared with me about the constant need to keep their children close to them for fear of having them kidnapped, raped, and murdered. I saw the lingering horror in their eyes and the way their hands trembled. I listened to them, asking the debriefing questions, and trying to provide counseling and support. Just taking their hands in mine and assuring them that they were safe, seemed to mean a lot to them.

And at our shelters, the residents were safe. We had a strong National Guard presence, as well as local law enforcement to provide external structure. The evacuees themselves, although stressed, were mostly polite and grateful. I never felt personally concerned for my safety. The guards, police, and sheriffs became more than just enforcers to the residents. As I watched the guards and sheriffs play with the children and joke with the adults, I realized these children would be growing up with a whole different impression of authority figures. And that many of the adults might be having their first positive, fearless interactions with law enforcement.

A lot of my time was also taken up with identifying the mentally ill patients and trying to get them medicated. Some had never been on medication. Others didn’t have their prescriptions or pill bottles, and sometimes didn’t know the names of their medication. “It was the blue pill, doc,” was the type of description they’d give. Medication is not one of my specialties, but luckily, one of my co-mental health workers was a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and it was her specialty.

The Nicholls school of nursing had been turned into a hospital. The physicians in the community had sent their samples of medications over to our “pharmacy.” Thus, we could send someone with symptoms over to the hospital and have them diagnosed and medicated. The severely mentally ill remained there. The others were released back to us, and we kept an eye on them.

Before I arrived in Louisiana, I had ideas for doing group and individual debriefings. But once there, my preexisting plans went out the window. For one thing, there was no private place to counsel anyone. The gyms were packed full of people. Even the nursing center was in a cordoned-off area in the front of the gyms. If I wanted to talk to someone, I had to ask if I could sit down on his or her bed (a cot or air mattress) or walk with him or her outside in the heat and humidity. There was very little privacy, although I found a sheltered stairway that I sometimes used.

I often found it overwhelming to deal with such a vast amount of people. We had a loudspeaker for announcements, but the words were accompanied by static and hard to understand. Plus, people didn’t always listen. If I wanted to make sure people heard an announcement, I said it over the loudspeaker, then went from bed to bed telling everyone.

I soon found my focus turning from what these people had been through to what I could do for them now, and how I could help them have a better future. In other words I changed from being a therapist to becoming a social worker. I mainly focused on two areas--school and local mental health services.

Before I traveled to Louisiana, I didn’t know the New Orleans school district was among the worst in the nation. But I soon found out. And I learned that the school district in Thibodaux was a good one. I was relieved when I discovered the wonderful pupil appraisal and counseling center in the district. The center has a large staff of psychiatrists and counselors, and all kinds of programs for the children and their parents. The pupil/counselor ratio was high enough that the evacuee children could be absorbed into the system without affecting the school district’s current population. I realized that this would be some of the good that could come from Katrina--these children would have a chance to get a superior education, one that wouldn’t have been available to them before.

I made it my goal to see that all the children were enrolled in school and had picked up their donated school uniforms and school supplies. I also spoke with some of the center’s counselors about starting a head start program for the little ones. The night before the first day of school, I was on the loud speaker several times, reminding everyone that lights out would be at 9:00, not 11:00, and that buses would be coming early for the children. Yet the children still ran around in their street clothes, obviously not ready for bed. Then I got on the loud speaker and told them to get in their pajamas, brush their teeth, and get into bed. Some did. Most didn’t.

At lights out, I went from bed to bed, chivying children into bed. Sometimes the parents were there, watching me get their children in bed, sometimes they weren’t. By this time, the families had received some money from the Red Cross or FEMA, and many had bought televisions or radios. A lot of families were watching television. I had to tell these families to turn off the televisions until their children were asleep, then they could quietly turn them back on. For the children who just wouldn’t stay in bed, I rubbed their backs until they fell asleep. But it was almost 11:00 before they were all asleep.

I worked until midnight those nights, then returned by 6:30 a.m. so I could be there before the buses arrived. I thought some children might need my help in getting ready. (They did.) I also was concerned some mothers might be upset at parting from their children. (They weren’t.) Actually, for the first time in days, quiet reigned in the gyms.

By the third school night, the bedtime routine had become easier. The parents and children had learned the rules, and also seemed to integrate the concept that having an enforced bedtime, rather then letting the children fall asleep whenever they wanted, made for an easier routine in the morning. At that point, I stopped working split shifts, instead coming in at around 3:00 pm and working until midnight. This was a relief, because the split shifts had worn me out, and I welcomed the chance to sleep in and use the mornings to recharge.

My time at the shelter was physically grueling because I was on my feet most of the time. I also walked back and forth between the two shelters. By the end of the evening, I was taking ibuprofen so I could stay on my feet. I was grateful I was, otherwise, in good physical shape.

One day, I was doing my rounds of the large gym, when I spied a tiny African-American girl, about two years old, sitting on a big bed against one of the bleacher walls. Or rather, I should say, she spied me. I was still twenty feet away from her, in a sea of other women, but when she saw me, she broke into a big grin. She held up her arms to me, her expression communicating recognition and happiness. Unable to resist the pull of her charm, I mimicked her, holding out my arms while I crossed the gym to her and scooped her up. We hugged, and she squeezed her arms and legs around me. I asked her mother if I could carry her around with me for a while, and she nodded her permission.

The little one snuggled in my arms, content, not speaking, not demanding any other kind of attention. I walked with her on my “rounds” of the gym, monitoring the population, trying to see if there were emotional problems, or any outward sign of emotional distress. I checked in at the nursing station, then, as my arms grew tired, I took my little one back and handed her, protesting, into her mother’s arms. Then I plunged back into the maelstrom of my duty.

It wasn’t until later that I had time to think about our interaction, and tune into the fact that this child had singled out an unknown woman, even though her mother and several other African-American women had been in her vicinity. I had never before interacted with this child. I didn’t remember even noticing her before. I realized that most of the relief workers and local volunteers were Caucasian. And that the child had learned positive associations with “white.” I wondered if, in the normal course of her life, this child would ever have been held by a Caucasian woman. I was struck by the realization that, as a volunteer group, we were breaking down racial barriers. By our support and service, we were showing that we care. And because of that, these children might grow up with less prejudice. And in turn, the relief workers also might be changing former preconceptions.

Mental health relief workers tend to work in periods of two weeks. As people finish up their time, others rotate in. So there’s always some “old timers” and newcomers overlapping. But I was concerned that the cycling in and out of counselors meant the evacuees didn’t have the consistent relationship with a counselor that’s often necessary for healing. In the last few days of my stay, I spoke with the director of the University’s counseling center, outlining my concerns and the needs of the evacuees. The director promised me that his student counselors would provide counseling to the evacuees on an ongoing basis.

On my one day off from the shelters, I did a consulting job for LifeEra with one of the local gas companies. Katrina had affected three of their facilities, and the company had moved over forty employees and their families to Houma, renting them apartments and furniture. A week later, with their husbands back at work, and their children enrolled in school, the wives were starting to show symptoms from their traumatic experiences.

We gathered at a restaurant where the company provided a wonderful meal. Many of the women were strangers to each other, and I hoped the meeting would bond them into a supportive network. After lunch, I had them share their experiences. The power went out, and the room grew hot. But, engrossed in each other’s stories, no one left. Before the hurricane, most of these families had evacuated. Having been through many previous hurricane warnings, the families had become blasé about them. Thus, they only packed enough clothes for two days. When the levees broke, sweeping away their homes, all they had left were the meager possessions they’d taken with them.

I’ll never forget the words of one woman, whose brief statement of pain summarized much of the women’s experiences. “For twenty years we’ve scrimped and saved to build a good life for ourselves,” she said, breaking into tears. “We had a nice house and two cars. But that’s all gone. We lost everything. Now we have to start all over.”

But there were some wonderful moments as well. One day a man came up to me saying, “I’m so happy, I just have to hug you.” He told me that the Red Cross had located his elderly mother. She was in good health at a shelter in Texas. His feet danced with excitement, and his eyes were full of tears of gratitude. He praised all the people who were reaching out to help the evacuees. As I rejoiced with him, he said something that touched me deeply. “You never really know what love is until you lose everything.”

Two weeks after I’d returned from Louisiana, I woke up from a night of dreams about the shelters. While these weren’t bad dreams, I was surprised by their intensity so long after my return.

In a strange way, I welcomed my dreams. I was back at the shelters at Nicholls, able to interact with the people I cared about, some of whom I logically knew had relocated. But we were reunited in the convoluted way of dreams, and I was comforted by being there, having power to help and change things, no longer helplessly wondering what was happening to those I’d left behind. Suddenly, I could do more than just pray for their well-being. I could interact with them.

When I awoke, I was left with an odd combination of contentment and nostalgia. My experiences in Louisiana had obviously left a deep imprint on my subconscious.

Fixing Dear Abby

2010-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

I often read the "Dear Abby" column in the Orange County Register. Most of the time, I'm fine with her answers. But other times, I want to fire off my "expert" opinion. :) I've tried a couple of times, but my emails to her always bounce back.

So, today, I thought I'd write a "Dear Dr. Debra" answer to Dear Abby's question.

The question:

For Valentine's Day, I bought a dozen red roses and had them delivered to my girlfriend's workplace. On her way home that evening, she made a stop at the grocery store and encountered a distraught young man near tears because he couldn't afford to buy flowers for his girlfriend. She offered him money, but he refused, so she gave him the roses I bought for her. (Abby, they had cost me more than $82!)

The whole episode still has me upset. I know the roses were a gift and she had every right to do with them as she wished. But I think what she did was thoughtless and insensitive because I don't see it from her perspective. What do you think?

Grinched in Iowa

Abby's answer:

I can see how, having spent as much as you did for the roses, you could be upset. I can also see how your kindhearted girlfriend might have had pity on the guy and acted on impulse. While the roses were hers, she could have accomplished the same thing by giving him one or two of the roses to give to his girlfriend. However, if you care about this relationship, you'll stop brooding and drop the matter.

First, I'll comment on the answer, then write my own:

Telling someone to stop brooding and drop the matter rarely works. All it does is make the person feel ashamed for continuing to brood. And this guy will. He needs to work through the issue, both within himself, and with his girlfriend before he'll be able to move on.

Dr. Debra's answer:

Dear Grinched.

I'm sure when you bought the roses for your girlfriend, you winced at the price. But your thought of her pleasure powered you through that normal reluctance to spend $82 on flowers that will die in a week.

What you probably didn't think about was what YOU would receive from this gift. Without knowing about it, you might have had expectations about what those flowers would make her think about you, make others think about you, and what she would then do because of her positive thoughts about you. If you can be honest about your expectations, it will help you move through your hurt.

Valentine's flowers delivered to work makes a very strong statement of specialness. Your girlfriend was able to enjoy the surprise, plus bask in the positive (although maybe envious) comments from her co-workers. ("You're so lucky. My husband doesn't do anything for Valentine's Day.") I'm sure she called you, expressing her excitement. (If she didn't, that's the start of your real problem with her.)

You probably were looking forward to her coming home--maybe imagined her throwing herself into your arms for a big hug and kiss (after she set down the vase, of course.) Your fantasy might have continued for what the rest of the evening would be like. And that vase of beautiful roses would be there for all of it.

When she arrived home without the flowers, your expectations were shattered. Maybe on her drive home, she had time to think about your reaction to her giving her flowers away. Maybe knowing your "grinch" ways, she realized she might be in trouble. Thus she didn't come into the house and throw herself into your arms, squealing how wonderful you are. Instead, she came in defensively. The discussion probably started off on the wrong foot.

What she should have explained was how much the flowers meant to her. That she had a chance to enjoy them all day. She should have told you what her colleagues said about them. She should have said that she will carry the memory of those flowers in her heart. And whenever she thinks of them, she will smile and feel love for you. She should have thanked you all over again--from her heart.

See, Grinch, that's what flowers are to women--a memory. The reality of them is beautiful, special, and fleeting. The memory is always there. (Not that she doesn't want more memories.)

So your girlfriend didn't give away the meaning of the flowers. You did that. Because of your reaction, the flowers became a bone of contention instead of the happy memory they were meant to be. You ruined her happy memory. She ruined your feeling of generosity about your gift. You probably won't give her flowers again. Or if you do, you'll either warn her, or be tempted to warn her, not to give them away.

She passed on the possibility of a special memory to another couple, perhaps one who needed it more. Maybe for that young man, your girlfriend's generous impulse will be a pivotal moment in his life or his relationship. Your $82 gift may have had greater meaning than you know.

You're blessed to have a generous, kind-hearted girlfriend. Most men (who aren't so lucky) would envy you that. I'm sure this quality of hers is what attracted you to her originally.

Work on forgiving and understanding. Focus on the blessings in your relationship with her. And never stop giving her flowers.

Puzzles and Boundaries

2010-04-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend, Don, gave me a puzzle for Christmas. It's a folk art rendition of San Francisco, a city that holds special memories for us. Yesterday, he suggested we break it out and work on it.

I took a break from writing and thought I'd play with the puzzle for an hour. I'd forgotten how addicting a puzzle can be and ended up sticking with it far longer.

In my family, puzzles are something we work on at our cabin in Big Bear Lake. So I'm used to working on a puzzle with one or more people. Don's only done puzzles by himself. This was our first attempt as a couple.

Last night all was fine. We finished the outline, which took quite a lot of time. This puzzle has a very complicated picture, and looking at all the pieces of buildings is overwhelming. I added a few pieces to the outline. I worked mainly on the sky and one large building. Don played with a different area. Around 10, I went to bed. But Don stayed up.

This morning when I got up, I looked at the puzzle and saw MY sky and MY building all put together. The other parts of the puzzle hadn't really been worked on. Not a big deal, but still annoying.

Later when we started working on the puzzle, I mentioned it. Don (of course) became defensive, saying this was something we were working on together, and I hadn't told him not to work on that area. He did mention that I'm supposed to be the boundary expert.

I retorted, that I didn't think I had to mention it. It never occurred to me that he'd poach on MY territory. Somewhere along the line, I used the word "rude." Now, we were really bantering, not arguing, but I did have to playfully slap his hand when he tried to take over the spot I was working on. "I'm just trying to help," he said.

Now, I don't mind him giving me a piece he found that fits my area. Or even inserting it. I do mind when I've tried a piece in a certain place, it didn't fit. Then, right away, he picks it up and tries THE SAME PLACE. (He probably won't make that mistake again. :)

He's been joking about what the puzzle says about our relationship. I jokingly agree. He likes to take over. Not a surprise. We both tease that his motto is "I did it my way."

Also in a relationship sense, how we play with the puzzle shows how we bring our previous experience, often from our family of origin, into our relationship. In my family, you play (puzzles) nicely with others. Meaning, each person focuses on their own spot, but may help each other out with theirs. Because Don has no experience in doing puzzles with others, he has a free for all attitude. I believe there are puzzle "rules." He doesn't.

For us, this is more amusing than anything. Humor, definitely, plays a big part in our relationship. However, I could see how some couples might end up fighting over the puzzle board, trying to prove who's "right." (Believe me, I've seen couples have massive arguments over far sillier things.)

I choose to look at it as fun entertainment and a way to get to know my partner better. But from now on, I'm going to remind him not to work on my "area" when I'm not there.

What about you? Do relationship issues emerge when you work on puzzles or play other games?

Sensitive People

2010-03-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

I notice my last post was about sensitive people, and I mentioned that I'd work on the ebook about Sensitivity. However, circumstances changed, and I've been frantically finishing my book on boundary setting with difficult people. It's supposed to be available at the end of May.

Consequently, I haven't been posting on this blog nor adding columns to my website. But last week, I realized I should send my webmistress the column I had on Sensitivity, which had been languishing in a folder. She posted it yesterday. (See www.drdebraholland.com)

Last night, I received an email from a woman, inquiring about therapy sessions. She works near my office.

Today when she came in, she had a printout of the article and told me it described her--"every word." She said she was going to keep a copy in her purse and refer to it often.

Wow. Unknowingly, my new client gave me an important message. See, I'm exhausted from working so much (went to a company today, where a popular supervisor had committed suicide) and trying to cram writing in at all hours with a short deadline hanging over my head. It seems like the more I write, the more there is to write. My client made me remember WHY I'm doing this--because what I write can help others. What a blessing!

Working on Sensitivity

2009-09-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

I received a question from Joy today, asking me for more clarification on an old Ask Dr. Debra column: How to Become Less Sensitive to Negative Words. (See my website: www.drdebraholland.com/archives/ask_march.html ) She wanted more specifics on how to become less sensitive.

I promised Joy that I'd use her question for my next Ask Dr. Debra column, which I've neglected to write in the last few months. This has also spurred me on to complete my (mostly finished) 10 minute ebook titled, Overcoming Sensitivity. I have several 10 minute ebooks languishing on my computer, awaiting final input.

So thanks, Joy, for the inspiration.

What I'd love from readers is comments or questions about sensitivity--either their own, or someone else's. Don't worry, I change names and circumstances for privacy.

Mad at Chase Bank

2009-09-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am not a ranter by nature. Usually I'm a calm, even-keeled person, who stays moderate in most things in life. But I have a situation that is making me crazy annoyed--my local branch of Chase Bank took out the drop box.

I didn't mind when Chase Bank bought out Washington Mutual. I even opened up a business checking account with them. But taking away the drop box definitely spiked my anger.

Why?

I deposit checks two or three times a week. I almost always use the drop box. I have my deposit prepared beforehand, so I just need to take two steps into the bank, drop the envelope into the slot of the box, grab a new envelope and deposit slip, and leave. 15 seconds max, maybe even 10.

Then one day, there was no drop box. When I enquired about it's absence, I was told the district manager had ordered them taken out, and that I was about the 6th person that had complained to this particular teller. I briefly spoke with the assistant manager, asking her to talk to the district manager to bring the box back. I assumed that when the DM found out how many customers were dissatisfied, he'd immediately return the box.

Wrong!

The next time I went into the bank, still no box. This time I asked for the DM's phone number but instead was given a customer service number. I called and complained. The next week, I again spoke to the bank manager. He said it was a Chase policy.

He wasn't real aware of the complaints about the drop box. I couldn't believe the lack of communication between the tellers and the branch manager. If that many customers are complaining, shouldn't he be told? Wouldn't he have let the tellers know that he wants information about problems?

I also feel that I'm battling alone. All the other dissatisfied people probably stop at complaining to the tellers. They don't take the time or effort to go the extra step. Or they shy away from confrontation. Therefore the branch manager, district manager, and Chase probably think they are dealing with just one crazy lady.

I still wasn't given the DM's phone number, but instead was given the assistant's. I left a message and she called me back, claiming the decision was Chase policy.

I checked on surrounding branches in the area that I occasionally use. They ALL have their drop boxes, so I've started using them instead of the branch I usually use. When I spoke with one manager about the box, she said, "We have no intention of removing the drop box. Our customers would be very upset."

So I was lied to about the decision being company policy. Obviously there could be some leeway with the choice.

That REALLY made me angry. I had planned to refinance my house with Chase. But instead, I took my business to the company who already had my mortgage--Wachovia, now becoming Wells Fargo. I also opened a checking and savings deposit with them. The drop box isn't an issue because I've never seen a line in this Wachovia branch and usually just walk up to a teller, hand her my mortgage payment and walk out. Same as using a drop box.

Yesterday, I forgot to drop off a deposit at the Chase branch I drive by, and needed to go into my branch. Still no drop box. That made me mad all over again.

I again called the customer service number and received the same bull--I could use the night drop or the ATM machine. I don't want to use the night drop because the deposits aren't recorded until the following day. Nor do I want to use the ATM because it takes more TIME. Especially if there's a line.

I also left another message for the DM's assistant.

I can't believe a company who previously didn't do business in California, but now, due to the takeover, is trying to build the brand, satisfy current customers and gather new ones, would make a STUPID, LITTLE decision that would cause customer dissatisfaction instead of satisfaction.

So easy to remedy!

Love TWEET Love

2009-09-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

What the world needs now ... is love ... TWEET ... love....

The last two days have been blessedly quieter for me. Except for the clients in my private practice, I have not worked. No consulting jobs this past Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wow. That hasn't happened in months. I'm had so much corporate crisis counseling work, that I've had to turn away a lot of jobs. I'm extremely grateful for the work and the opportunity to help others at a difficult time in their lives, yet I've also been more stressed and exhausted than I like.

With this free time, I've played on Twitter a lot more. To start off, I'm not a social networker. One of these days, I'll do Facebook, but in the meantime, I'm starting out in the shallow water of the Twitter pool.

Up until this week, I've often wondered why I'm doing it. I don't want to post a bunch of boring, personal tweets about what I'm doing. But I do want to pass on motivational, thoughtful, or interesting quotes. Maybe sometimes these quotes will even be mine.

Sometimes this has been a hassle. I prefer not to go to online quote sites and pick one out. Instead I like to glean them from the newspaper, magazines, talks, movies, blogs, emails. In other words, I stumble across them in my personal life, realize what I just read or heard is a great quote, and I save it to tweet.

I usually pop on Twitter once, maybe twice a day. Although there are times when I can go several days when I'm too busy. I try to follow people I know, or people who might inspire, motivate, and teach me. One website, I've learned about is www.dreammanifesto.com. Great blogs, often excerpts taken from self-help books. I've a couple of the books on my to-buy list.

But this week, I've had the luxury to play on Twitter. I've popped on a lot, getting to know more of my followers (all 130 of them). And I've had some wonderful experiences that have let me know that the Twitter World may be more exciting and interesting than I'd previously thought.

On Monday, I was engaged to speak on Woman's Day Radio for the debut show, What's Talkin' With Tra'Renee. My topic was Giving Up Your Job--For His. http://www.womansday.com/Information-Pages/Radio-WD

About an hour before the show, I read on Twitter that Thomas Herold, owner of Dreammanifesto.com had a new blog post up, so I decided to read it. In the blog by Deborah King, author of Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You, she writes, "Throughout the generations, women have consistently lost their identities and stopped living their truth when they marry." www.deborahkingcenter.com

Wow. What a perfect quote to use as an discussion opener. I had a lovely interview, and did, indeed, mention Deborah's quote. Later that day, I googled her website and sent her an email to let her know what I'd done. I also found her on Twitter and began to follow her.

Yesterday, one of my followers, whom I slightly know from one of my writers online groups, posted about having a meltdown. Normally, I wouldn't have seen this post, but since I was visiting the site a lot, it caught my attention. And, of course, I had to find out more. I sent her a direct mail, wondering what was wrong.

Turns out, Crystal-Rain Love had been laid off and was afraid she'd lose her house. The discussion with the mortgage lender was what sent her into a meltdown. I wrote back something supportive, but wanted to do more to help, so I went to her website: www.crystalrainlove.com and from there to her publisher: www.sapphirebluepublishing.com to buy her two books. Cost to me, less than $10.00. The books are ebooks, so I downloaded them right away.

But it occurred to me that I could send out a tweet about Crystal's plight, and maybe some of my numerous (I'm thinking positive, here.) followers might also buy Crystal's books. Then I went to our writers group, posted about Crystal's problems and asked that others also tweet about her. I imagined my little email and tweet about Crystal being spread around the internet, hopefully generating enough books sales to tide her over until she found work.

In helping Crystal, I found myself uplifted. Her situation (like that of so many others) reminded me to appreciate my wonderful life and express gratitude for my blessings. So Crystal ended up helping me far more than I helped her. :)

A little while later, someone I was following posted about an online writers auction for author, Janis Reams Hudson, who needs a lung transplant, and I retweeted it. That's when I realized how much social networking, especially Twitter, could be a wonderful source for GOOD! Wow. www.janisreamshudsonraffle2009.com

Later that day, Deborah King became a follower, listened to the radio show, and emailed me a compliment. Icing on the cake for my Twitter day.

A few minutes ago, an organization I'm following, www.co-creatornetwork.com, posted the line from the Carpenters' song, What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love. That's when the Tweet Love play on words popped into my mind and inspired this blog. Can't wait to see what other Twitter wonders lie in store!

What good things has happened to you from using Twitter or other social media?

Enjoying the Last Days of Summer

2009-08-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

After a crazy busy June, July, and much of August, I've had a little more time in my life for the last two weeks. With that space, I noticed that the summer was practically over, and I hadn't done much of my favorite summer activities.

Much of my enjoyment of summer comes from being on or near the water. Water relaxes me. It also gives me creative energy. So I've been taking the time to swim, even if it's only a few minutes a day.

Saturday, I had my two youngest nieces over, and we stayed in the water for hours. Ten-year-old Kelsey taught me how relaxing it could be to just float on an innertube, while seven-year-old Kimmie wanted to play water games. In between swimming in the pool, we took the time to make peach ice cream--although I hadn't frozen the peaches long enough and we ended up with peach smoothies. Yum.

The week before, Don and I took his boat out and cruised around Newport harbor, looking at all the beautiful homes. Then we docked and relaxed on the boat and ate dinner, watching the other boaters go by.

Today, I've noticed that I'm relaxed and energized. I've edited 100 pages of my book, and caught up with a lot of my email. I've tackled some chores around the house, and taken the dog for a walk. I no longer feel like summer is escaping me.

In Southern California, we'll have summer weather for a while longer, so it won't be too late to enjoy the outdoors. But even if you don't live in Southern California, you probably have a few weeks left of warm weather.

Take the time to stop and ask yourself what you'd like to do for yourself before the summer's over. Don't allow the season to pass you by without doing something you love.

Any suggestions?

Julie and Julia

2009-08-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend, Don, and I went to see Julie & Julia yesterday. I thought the concept of the movie, sounded fun, and since Don loves to cook (I don't) I figured we'd both enjoy the movie. And I was right. Charming and funny--I laughed out loud in several places--I especially enjoyed the scenes with Julia Child in Paris.

In this movie, Nora Ephran combines the memoirs of both Julia Child (author of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and star of the television series, The French Chef), and Julie Powel, author of Julie & Julia. The parallel unfolding of both women's lives is a fascinating, well-woven movie.

At the same time, the movie had an important theme--persistence pays off. Both Julie and Julia encountered obstacles in their path to their goals. Both came close to giving up. But they didn't. The movie shows the importance of finding your passion in life and following where it takes you.

The movie also shows how wonderful a strong marriage can be and how having a partner who supports your dreams and encourages you to overcome your obstacles, can make all the difference in having a successful outcome.

As often happens to me, seeing a certain movie only made me more curious about the book and the lives of the two women I saw on the screen. Later that day, I bought the book, Julie & Julia, expecting have a delightful read and fill in the blanks of the movie.

But that didn't happen. Not a delightful read. Instead, I read a type of memoir that included some segments of Julia and her husband's Paul's life, but was mostly about Julie Powell. The parts about Julia and Paul were disappointingly brief, and written in a more passive voice than the rest of the book.

The author is honest in showing us her flaws, but I found them offputting, rather than endearing. The book is much darker and snarkier than the movie . Julie uses a lot of profanity in life, and thus in her writing. She often mentions her blog readers taking her to task for it, but doesn't try to change. I, too, could have done without the profanity, and even better wish I could have seen her grow in this area.

However, once I got over my disappointment with the narrative and narrator, I became interested in the story. I can't imagine cooking even one of the recipes in Julia's book (or in any other cookbook for that matter) and reading her descriptions of her experiences, good and bad, was fascinating.

But, my craving to know more about Julia Child and her early life wasn't satisfied. Next on the reading list is her autobiography, My Life in France, and the biography, Appetite For Life, by Noel Riley Fitch.

What if ETs Exist?

2009-07-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Although I'm an avid science fiction and fantasy lover, the concept of aliens visiting Earth isn't something I devote a lot of thought to. I do believe that God probably created life in more places than just Earth, but I don't pay much attention to the idea of UFOs. (Except when I'm driving late at night, all alone, up the winding road, to Big Bear Lake, in the mountains, and see a light streak across the sky...)

Then last night, while in the car, I was listening to what I thought was a current talk radio show, but it turned out to be one from about 15 years ago. (I hadn't chosen the station.) In it, the host was describing some alien autopsy photos that had been released to the internet. These were taken from some supposed footage shot by a cameraman in 1947 on an alien autopsy. The radio host sounded pretty excited about the story and the possibility that these could be real.

I couldn't wait to get home to my computer to see the pictures and read about the buzz on the internet. Then the topic switched to the problems in Bosnia.... And I thought, "How can there be a war in Bosnia again? I know I haven't been watching/reading the news much, but I don't think I would have missed this."

Sure enough, an internet search revealed this was a hoax from the 1990's. (When you check out twitter, and the only Roswell posts have to do with driving though the place, or visiting it, that pretty much gives you a clue.)

But I decided the thoughts I had while listening to the show are still valid.

If the government does have evidence of ETs, I believe, this is a good time to come out with the known facts. Why?

1. Most Americans under the age of 50 have grown up with science fiction television, movies, and books. It's not that you can't be a SF fan if you're over 50, but you didn't have as much available to you to make it seem "normal" when you were growing up.

We've had our share of aliens as bad guys. (Independence Day is one of my favorite movies.) But we've also had plenty of aliens as good guys. Aliens can be funny, silly, crafty, or honorable--think Star Wars, or Star Trek--just like humans. Therefore the concept of real life Aliens, might not terrify the people of today in the same way they would have 60 years ago.

2. If the government has any "proof" of aliens, UFOs, etc, they probably would have gathered it over many decades. The fact that we've had sightings or visits but nothing bad has happened in all that time should reassure many. If the aliens were going to destroy us, they would have had plenty of opportunity before now.

3. If Roswell (1947) really happened, that crash is old news, and the truth, while exciting, would not evoke the fear that would happen if a UFO had crashed last week.

4. We've put men on the moon, and a space station in space. There are private companies trying to build space ships for commercial use. The idea of space travel is more of a reality than it's ever been.

5. Although I disagree with some of President's Obama's policies, I do think he's the type of president who would be willing to admit the truth.

So I call upon President Obama. Please, between your important work as the President of the United States, husband, and father, could you set aside some time to find out what the government really knows about UFOs and aliens? Then, once you've been briefed, please have a press conference and release the information, even if the news is that we don't have any information. Let's silence the Roswell controversy once and for all.

Why So Many Were Moved By Michael Jackson’s Death

2009-07-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson’s memorial was watched by 37 million people in America, and millions more around the world. That doesn’t count those who mourned, yet were unable to watch the ceremony due to work or other responsibilities.

For some, the service brought comfort and closure. It gave them a chance to mourn and say goodbye. For others, the sadness has lingered. Or grief may have ebbed, only to reawaken when the media reports some new or old controversy, or questions arise about Michael’s way of life, why he died, where he’ll be buried, his estate, or his children.

Other people can’t understand why the media made a big deal over a man with such a questionable personal history. They wonder why fans and media are glossing over these flaws.

Whenever someone dies suddenly, it makes people stop, remember, and mourn. People realize that life is short. They stop and appreciate all they have and take the time to cherish loved ones.

If the deceased is a celebrity, especially someone who made an impact on people, the loss is shared by others. The sorrow over Michael’s loss is a universal expression of grief. Strangers are united in their memories of how that celebrity impacted their lives. People all over the country, and in Michael’s case, all over the world united in their mourning.

Many, especially in America, revere celebrities. Most people have the need to connect to (what they perceive is) something greater than themselves. Celebrities, with their talent, wealth, and glamorous lives can cause people to form imaginary relationships with them. And although the relationships may only exist in peoples’ heads, that doesn’t mean it isn’t very real for them.

The ability to imagine is part of being human, and people of all ages indulge in fantasies. However, adolescence is a time especially rich in fantasy life. For children of the 70’s and 80’s, Michael was a larger-than-life performer—someone who had the ability to electrify the audience with his intensity, his singing, and his dancing. As one friend described it to me, “He pretty much “owned” pop music at that time.”

The love of a song, of the singer, can unite people of different races, beliefs, ages, and social-economic status. In the 60’s and 70’s, Michael (and the Jackson 5) broke racial barriers, becoming revered by people of all races.

Through his music, Michael created experiences and provided memories.

His music (from the Jackson 5 or individually) has intertwined through peoples’ lives, either deliberately or unconsciously. (It’s difficult to live in America and not be aware of pop songs, if only because of the background music in stores and other venues.)

With artists, especially actors, musicians, and singers, or with sports figures, many people are able to separate “art” or “the game” from the performers’ personal lives. For example, we might disapprove of an actor’s lifestyle, but still choose to see her movies. We might revere a performer like Michael Jackson, even though he displays behavior that we’d never tolerate in those around us.

Yet, as Michael grew older, more reclusive, more bizarre, more controversial (especially the sexual abuse allegations), without generating new musical hits, many people set him aside. They considered him part of a bygone era.

Although his personal life may have tarnished his music for many, others continued to love him. And with his death, people remember a younger Michael, the one before the controversy--the one whose energy lit up the stage, and whose music and dancing touched lives.

His death makes people remember their memories of Michael, and thus they recall their own past. Over and over, I’ve heard people tell stories of when they first started listening to him. Maybe they attended a concert, or watched Thriller again and again. They might have tried to dance like him, or had movie posters in their bedrooms. Perhaps they had a romantic fantasy relationship with him. Maybe “We are the World” helped them feel more connected with humanity.

These people may grieve not only for Michael, but also for a time of life that’s gone. In their nostalgia, people also mourn their lost youth.

His death may also bring up sadness for the death of other loved ones, especially family and friends, but also the loss of other beloved celebrities. Remember the funerals of Princess Diana or John Kennedy Jr. Or recall the sadness of Heath Ledger’s death, or even going back to the deaths of Elvis or Marilyn Monroe due to drug overdoses.

Michael’s death is also a reminder that wealth doesn’t buy happiness. This is an even more poignant message in a struggling economy, where people are coming to value a simpler lifestyle. Michael had talent, wealth, and love. Yet all of that wasn’t enough to sooth his inner demons.

It’s painful to watch celebrities self-destruct. Too many have died because of the unhealthy choices they made in their lives.

The adulation of hundreds, thousands, or even millions, doesn’t fill up a person who feels empty inside. All the love and energy a performer absorbs while on stage, doesn’t remain. It only deflates, leaving behind someone who can feel even more lonely and empty. Drugs and alcohol are classic ways of trying to mask this kind of pain.

As long as someone is alive, there’s hope for change, for personal growth, and for peace for a troubled soul. But death is the final ending, and hope for Michael died with him.

People may mourn the future that might have been. Perhaps Michael could have made his comeback. Maybe he would have gotten the help he needed to heal his wounds and change his life. What music lies buried with him, never to be written, played, and performed--songs and performances to move us—to change the world?

Music is perhaps the closest thing to magic we have. Listening to a song or a piece of music can transform us, if only for a few minutes. It has the power to move us to tears, convey love, lift the spirit, unite a differing people, inspire creativity, tell a story, set feet to dancing, makes us hum and clap and sing, create a mood, and bring us close to God. The creators of music that touches peoples’ hearts become magicians, not just musicians.

Michael Jackson, the magician has died, but for his fans, his music will live on.

***

Dr. Debra Holland is a psychotherapist and corporate crisis counselor, who lives in Fullerton, CA.

Using a Musical Experience to Transcend Stress

2009-06-22T09:05:00.001-07:00

Last night I attended a Yanni concert. This is Yanni's new tour, called Voices, where he has four talented young singers who've given words to his music. I'd been watching/listening to two of Yanni's DVDs for the last few months in preparation for the show. In the DVDs, Yanni introduces the four singers, my favorites being Nathan Pachaco and Cloe.

Our seats were close to the front, plus a big background screen blazed the performers' images as they sang or played instruments. Over the years, Yanni has gathered incredibly talented players, and the tight bond between the performers was apparent. They were truly amazing. Yanni's joy in performing, his pride in his people, glowed on his face the whole time.

The music was sublime. One song by Nathan and Cloe transcended me with its incredible beauty. I felt aware of the happy energy buzzing through my body and joining with the energy of the audience, all of us in awe of what we were hearing and seeing. The rest of the world fell away. It was impossible not to be completely present in the moment.

Today, the echos of the concert still resonate in my mind. I find myself humming the music. Somewhere in the hours between the concert and now, I found a twist ending to a story, involving a musician, I'd imagined on and off for years. I feel filled with creativity.

Obviously, my experience last night filled my energy and creativity well.

But what about when you don't have the time, opportunity, or money to attend a beautiful or fun concert? I know a lot of my author friends write to music. Listening to music during a long commute in traffic makes it tolerable for many drivers. Other people play songs/albums according to their mood--to lift their spirits or console themselves. Singing (loudly) my favorite hymns on Sunday definitely makes me happy.

So, how do you use music in your life to release stress or make yourself feel better?

In Search of Replenishment

2009-05-01T09:05:00.000-07:00

After months of consulting jobs, projects, and clients, I'm desperately in need of replacing my energy. I'm very blessed to be working so much, and if I want to continue at this pace, I need to recharge.

So I'm heading to the mountains to my family's cabin near a lake for four days. I'm going by myself, so I can follow my own inclinations, which I already know will be read, write, sleep, maybe some walks, garden and more sleep. I'm also doing a juice/tea/water/detox fast.

I plan to return with several thousand words written of my novel, two chapters done (rough draft) for my nonfiction book on dealing with difficult people, and a column (overdue) completed. Oh, and that newsletter I've been promising my new subscribers...

Can't wait to get there... :)

What do you do to replenish?

The Joys of Working Out

2009-04-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

When it comes to exercise, I've found that the more I avoid working out, the harder it is to push myself when I finally do drag myself to the gym. (This is good to know if you tend to start exercising, but easily become discouraged.)

I know I've been struggling with not wanting to work out. After several months full of consulting work and little time or energy for exercise, I started regular work outs about a week and a half ago. I don't like feeling out of shape, and those first workouts really showcased my lack of endurance. Last Saturday, I forced myself to finish 45 minutes of weights. I had to continuously coax myself into finishing the workout.

Today, the time sped by. At one point, I looked at the clock and realized 25 minutes had flown by. I'd planned on exercising for a hour, mostly weights with a little jump rope and eliptical thrown in. I figured that last 15 minutes might be a push. But I enjoyed the process enough that I ended up doing an extra 10 minutes.

Afterwards, I felt great. A great way to start the day.

Hopefully this week I won't have such a mental struggle to get myself to the point of working out.

Do you have similar struggles?

Today:

Workout: YES!

Reading--fiction: Better of Dead, by Meryl Sawyer

Reading--nonfiction: Life is a Series of Presentations by Tony Jeary

Writing: Blog for Monday

Prayer: For the family of 44 year old Tony Matson, who passed away leaving three young daughters.

Prayer: For Rich Lewis, choir director at my church, who suffered two heart attacks, and needs a miracle.

Affirmation: I'm grateful for my healthy mind, body, and spirit.

Living in Earthquake Land

2009-04-24T17:13:00.001-07:00

A few minutes ago, Southern California had it's third earthquake in the last 24 hours. I've grown up in Southern California, and weathered the earthquakes nature has thrown at us. I'm use to being

MAKE THAT FOUR! WE JUST HAD ANOTHER ONE!

Deep breath. Ok, continue. I'm use to being woken up by an earthquake and judging the magnitude..."Oh, it's just a 3." Then I go back to sleep. Or, I'll be awake, and have a similar experience. Something to just shrug off.

But today's shaker, I have yet to find the magnitude, was scary because of the noise. I was descending the steps to my boyfriend, Don's basement, when a deafening boom happened. It sounded like an explosion, and it scared me because it's not a normal 3 pointer. (My ears are still ringing.)

Deep breath. Actually when I think about it, when you're close to the epicenter, the earthquake is louder. But the movement is also stronger. Ok, I'm thinking about enduring the Landers quakes, when I was in nearby Big Bear. Sevens. (That's another story.)

I'm in Yorba Linda right now. Last night's epicenter. I was driving home, so I didn't feel it.

I'm feeling unsettled because of having 4 earthquakes. When you live in California, the specter of "The Big One" hangs over you. But mostly we ignore it. But not when a series of small quakes are occurring in the same area.

I'm hope it's just the earth letting off steam (not literally, of course) so we don't have a big one.

Prayers, everyone, that Southern California stays safe.

Anyone else experience those earthquakes?

10 reasons for the popularity of Susan Boyle

2009-04-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

I first watched the You Tube clip of Susan Boyle when it had about 12,ooo viewers. I remember tearing up and having goosebumps pop up on my arms. As of April 20th that You Tube clip had over 100 million views. So why is Susan Boyle's appearance on, Britain's Got Talent, the British equivalent of American Idol, so inspiring?

1. Susan's frumpish appearance and claims to rock the audience was greeted with skepticism by the audience and judges. It's moving to see that with a few words of the song, she immediately changes their minds.

2. Her lilting, lyrical voice is, indeed, beautiful.

3. She chooses a beautiful, poignant song from the musical, Les Miserables, which is about life killing youthful dreams. Susan, obviously, has lived this song.

4. She shows us that talent can live in the most unproposing package. This gives hope to all lack self-esteem because of their outsides, yet nurture a secret dream within their heart.

5. Her singing made Simon's Cowell's face light up with surprise. (A welcome change from his usual impassive or critical expression.) His joyful smile was as touching as Susan's performance.

6. The other judges, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden, showed how moved they were by Susan's singing.

7. She showed that it's important to never give up on your dreams, at the most improbable times and places, they can come true.

8. She demonstrated that taking a large risk, exposing herself to national ridicule, can pay off. How much more can taking small risks, pushing beyond your fear of someone(s) judgement, bring you success.

9. We can't help feeling happy for Susan, when we see how happy she is at the end of her song.

10. As Amanda says (paraphrasing) this was a wake-up call not to be so cynical.

What are some of the ways Susan's performance touched you?

For today:

Exercise--swim.

Writing--newsletter

Reading fiction--Deception Point by Dan Brown

Reading Nonfiction--Save the Cat, by Blake Snyder

Affirmation--I enjoy my time off to the fullest.

Prayer--that life brings Susan Boyle all the goodness she deserves.

Overcoming Child Abuse

2009-04-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I read the true story of Dave Pelzer, A Child Called, "It." One Child's Courage to Survive. When I say read, I need to admit to skimming parts. The torture he endured from his mother was too much to take in. I felt sick to read as much as I did.

Like I wrote in my post yesterday, it's impossible for good people to comprehend true evil. I cannot fathom how a mother could brutally torture and deliberately neglect her son. Nor, can I understand a father who would allow this to happen.

While I can understand (although not condone) a frustrated parent losing his or her temper and smacking a child, repeated abuse is beyond my comprehension.

However, Dave Pelzer went on to serve our county and earn a presidential award. He currently works to educate people about child abuse and works to abolish it.

Have you ever witnessed child abuse?

For today:

Workout: 30 minutes combination of walking on the treadmill and jumping rope to a count of 100.

Nonfiction reading: The Lost Boy, by Dave Pelzer

Fiction Reading:

Affirmation: I have financial success, being of great service, in an easy, relaxed way.

Writing: newsletter article

Prayer: That I'll be of love and healing today.

The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler

2009-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler. What a testimony to both the depth of human evil and the strength of loving courage. When I went to bed, I lay awake for a long time, thinking about fear, courage, convictions, evil, and propaganda/brainwashing.

Although I see myself as someone who makes choices for good, I don't know that I would have had the courage to do what Irena did--going into the Jewish Ghetto/prison in Warsaw to rescue over 2000 Jews, mostly children. These people where spirited away to live with Polish families or in Catholic convents, given new names, family histories, and learning to recite Christian prayers. Most of these people were never reunited with their families because they all perished in the death camps.

I'm often asked how evil people can do what they do. My answer is always the same. Good people can't wrap their minds around evil actions. No matter how much you attempt to understand someone who is evil, you won't. So don't even bother. Instead, focus on what you can do to combat darkness, even in little ways, such as smiling at people, contributing to charities, avoiding negative gossip, and encouraging others to be their best selves.

The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler is a must-see movie. Buy or rent it and watch it with your teenagers. Use it for family discussions. Some possible discussion topics are:

1. Standing up for what you believe.

2. Risking your life to save another.

3. Being of service to others.

4. Prejudice and intolerance.

5. At the least, walking away to not become involved with hurtful behavior towards others.

6. Coaching ways to be assertive with others.

7. Standing up to bullies.

8. Not going along with the crowd.

9. History lessons.

10. Why WWll should never be forgotten, so the injustices aren't repeated.

11. Forgiveness.

12. Loving your enemies.

13. Finding ways to share with others who have less.

For those who saw the movie... What did you think?

Today:

Exercise--teaching a kickboxing class

Nonfiction Reading--A Child Called It, by Dave Pelzer

Fiction Reading--Dragonborn, by Jade Lee

Writing--the next newsletter article

Affirmation--I Act the Courage of My Convictions

Prayer--The Serenity Prayer

Being of Service

2009-04-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

In my (few) spare minutes in the last week, I've pondered about this blog. I know if I go to the trouble to write one, I want the post to be of service to others in some way. I believe I have a calling to be a healer--to help others learn and grow. I want this blog to reflect that.

While the healing I do is mainly on the emotional level, it also touches on the mental, spiritual, physical, and financial aspects of a person's life. When I say financial, I'm using the word as a broad topic about achieving personal goals. For most people financial stability or success is one of their goals. In addition, in my work, I help people improve their relationships--with their spouse, family, friends, and co-workers.

I'm a very strong believer that I have to practice what I preach. Sometimes what motivates me to do something I'm procrastinating on is the reminder that I can't ask a client or student to do this if I don't do it myself. A blog can help others see what I'm personally working on, and maybe motivate others to also grow in some way.

With this in mind, I'm going to blog about whatever topic that catches my attention and I think will interest people. Or I may write about something I have a strong opinion about (not politics). And I will add a little post script about what I'm doing.

I'm going to jot down what I'm currently reading--both fiction and nonfiction. I'm a big believer in reading. Nonfiction helps you to learn and grow. Fiction engages your mind, taking you into the lives of interesting characters and living their story. I carry a book (or two) with me where ever I go.

I'm going to add a line for my workout of the day. Usually a regular part of my life, for the last two years, working out has (mostly) fallen by the wayside. I've become so busy with my consulting work that I don't have the time and energy I used to have for exercise. (My body reflects that change.) I figure if I'm accountable to my blog readers, that will help me be accountable to myself.

I'm going to add a short line for my current prayers. I say short because my formal prayer time tends to be about 5 minutes, with much of my prayers being the same every day. I'll just write out a bit of what I'm asking.

I'll also add my affirmation for the day. Saying a positive affirmation is a good way to stay focused on your goals.

And I'll write something (among my many blessings) I'm grateful for.

So here goes:

Fiction reading: Dragonborn, by Jade Lee

Nonfiction reading: Save the Cat, the Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need, by Blake Snyder

Workout: 45 minutes of weights

Prayers: For the families of Nick Adenhart, Courtney Stewart, and Henry Pearson, killed in a crash with a drunk driver last week. For Jon Wilhite, also in the crash, that he would be healed to a full mental, emotional, and physical recovery.

Affirmation: "I look with wonder at that which is before me."

Gratitude: I've FINALLY finished all the projects I had to do last month. Currently I have no deadline hanging over me. I feel free!

2009-04-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've resisted writing a blog for years. I thought what little time I had for writing needed to be directed towards my articles and books.

Then, about a month ago, I joined Twitter--my first attempt at social networking. www.twitter.com/drdebraholland (I'm mostly posting inspirational sayings.)

However, I've found myself frustrated by the small amount I can share on Twitter. Sometimes I've had to discard quotes I like because they're too long. Or, I might break them into one or two posts--not very satisfying. Other times, I've wanted to expand on something, but couldn't. And there's been those times, I wanted to write a lot about something.

Obviously, time for a blog. And who knows, maybe one of these days, I'll try Facebook.